05.07.2005 - 8:58 p.m.

I�m subtitling this entry as � DON�T DO ANYTHING DANGEROUS or maybe SAFETY, IT�S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY or maybe still ADVICE FOR THOSE LACKING COMMON SENSE

The UK has a hardworking body of people called the Health and Safety Executive (HSE) these dedicated suits have one mission � to protect you from yourself and the world in general. If it can hurt you, or might hurt you or maybe might even scare you a little then they have to flag these things and make up guidelines and publish advice on how not to be hurt.

Now it�s also true that a hard-core of fanatics has risen within the HSE who see danger everywhere and are determined to point it out to us. They say that they are trying to stem the American style tide of lawsuits for the slightest infringement and they�re right about that, we�re slowly becoming a bunch of whiny, nancy-boy softees who go off crying to our lawyers every time someone throws a hard word at us, whatever happened to the British Stiff Upper Lip ? the Blitz Spirit is mostly dead and we�ll now sell our dignity for a handful of dirty, dirty cash.

Because of this I�m seeing all sorts of things which make me laugh or just seem obsolete given their use. I put this down to the UK�s love affair with stating the obvious in case some nutcase does stuff a blender down their trousers and then sues the manufacturer because it didn�t have a label saying �do not insert into trousers� here�s one I saw today

this label was on the exit horn of a carbon dioxide extinguisher to warn you that the horn will get very cold if you use it. Now that�s fine but should you be preoccupied by the raging inferno in front of you and forget to read the label and subsequently freeze your hand to the extinguisher don�t come crying to us because we told you already. On the other hand ( ho ho ho ) at least there�s a good chance there�ll be a fire or heat source nearby to help you defrost your mitt from the extinguisher.

This next one is found on the protective covers that shield power take off shafts ( they go from the back of the tractor into the equipment it�s carrying to power it ) from the world in general. This warning is a bit more pertinent as a PTO shaft at operating speed rotates at six feet per second, therefore if a six foot man got his leg caught on an unguarded shaft he would be wrapped around it in one second which would only rip off the attached body part if he was lucky, if he was unlucky he could end up looking like this image

what I like about this image is the care that the designer has put into portraying the figure waving for help and the fact that it looks like Mr Gumby.

If there�s anyone out there who has used a chipper you�ll know that you put whole bits of wood in one end and they are chipped and expelled out of another end. From looking at a chipper, even the uninitiated could probably work out which end is which but just in case they�ve put a sticker on the exit end which reads thus:

I especially like the exclamation mark at the end, it adds a sense of urgency to a little sticker and it really made me sit up and take notice to the bits of wood flying out at a high velocity, hurrah for safety.