19.03.2004 - 12:36 p.m.

My lemon is half empty, or possibly half full, it's hard to tell from this angle.

The lion of truth has trounced the wildebeest of deception in a bloodless battle of the mind, speak not the anger of the spheres for they alone hold the secret to enlightenment and lo, thou shall know the mysticism that entangles mens minds to submission.

Or something like that, I'm not too sure I heard correctly.

Faced with the need to move a few hundred megs worth of sound and video off my works computer before I depart this place, I've only gone out and bought a plot of cyberland, on this land I shall build a mighty lockup / garage / fortress-of-truth combination and foresooth and verily I shall fill it up with junk software I've blatantly stolen from others. Later this year my blog will be filled with downloads and suchlike for you to dismiss, but I don't care 'cos I think they're pretty, so screw you.

For those of you who lead a sheltered cyber-life ( as I do ) you may not have heard of this Site , for shame. You must immeadiately follow this link, go to their site, leave messages of encouragement and donations of cash and imported cars for the service they provide, if you're too lazy to follow the link, here's a beautiful example :

Beautiful

By the summer I will have a sooper fast, bitchslappin' powerhouse of a computer which can support a decent art package, hack into the Pentagon and so-on, at that point I will also be able to create melded art and humourous .gifs, for the time being i'm relegated to MSpaint which can only generate poor quality images, such as this artists impression of the rodent-controlled cyborg, Kylie Minogue. The Captain Hamster at the helm of this australian robo-pop-tart looks suspiciously like Ace from my guns-n-hamsters banner, I can assure you this is a coincidence.

Heart warming story of the week : this has probably been sent to every person in the world by now so it's not exactly new, but fuzzy stories of quadraped love are always nice to see, and this one is fuzzy to the max.

I'm gearing up for Glastonbury this year, my mates have been going on and off for the last ten years but I've never had the money / time / tickets to do it, this time I'm prepared and determined, roll on the summer. While I'm there I'll obviously be using one of my other names, but should you walk up to a random person and say :

"Sven, you rock my world, you crazy guy you"

....and it's actually me, I'll buy you a bottle of spirits / hand over a load of contraband ( depends what you prefer ). This offer was brought to you by my unwavering belief in the weirdness of the universe and the unrelenting strangeness of random chance, but lets face it, the odds are in my favour.

I'm too tired to carry on typing now, the weight of the work i've been avoiding this morning has reached critical mass and caught fire, immolating my in-tray and one wall of my two wall cube, before the fire service turns up and my cow-orkers start throwing themselves at them I better do something responsible.........like tying down my cow-orkers so that the firemen can do their job of quenching the blaze uninterrupted.