06.05.2009 - 1:18 p.m.

There's a place for new-age, 'feelings' orientated bullcrap, this place is either a hippy festival or an expensive holistic therapy centre where you go to get yer imaginary chakra's sorted.

Places where 'pointless hippy toss' as i call it, is not welcome or effective:
- active war zones
- in orbit
- skeptics society
- catholic seminary
- any business not already orientated around hippy toss

For the following reasons
- bullets and 'plosions concentrate the mind leaving no room for contemplating existencial silliness, only survival
- orbit is currently filled only with scientists, they are too sensible
- it's full of skeptics
- there's only room for one flavour of woo here
- normal business is there to generate money supplying goods to consumers, through hardnosed and clear cut goals.

Problems arise when businesses think that they can cause some mystical improvement in their staff by exposing them to hippy toss methodology. Usually this happens in large organisations where you have people (usually floating managers) who's role is to 'foster communication channels and well-being' amongst the org-chart inhabitants, job descriptions like that should be a red-flag to any normal person.

A great many people do a job because that's the way modern society is arranged, if they had a choice they'd be at home doing something more personally productive. When these floating managers attend a training seminar on some new 'technique' they are instantly compelled to share this exciting revolution in interpersonal exchange with any slow moving person who can't escape fast enough. If they attend enough personnel management courses, eventually all normal thoughts are expelled to make way for bullshit which expands to eighteen times its original size once in contact with neurons.

These people then take on the form of commercial penance for the rest of the workers, as they begin their evangelical proselytisation of the herd. The people best positioned to nip this toss in the bud are the board or exec's who are always conspicuously absent from away-day training, the stated reason is 'they are far too busy/important/perfect already' the real reason is they already know that it's unproductive toss, but maybe it'll make the proles and bottom-feeders happy, because, y'know, staff morale is important too.

There is always a percentage of staff who look forward to away-days, these are the same people who do fuck all through the day, moan about how busy they are, while away the hours with meaningless 'look busy tasks' and snipe at co-workers, and they'll happily sit through an autopsy by chainsaw if it means being out of the office.

Then there's the people who go to work to [gasp] work, they may even get job satisfaction from carrying out tasks efficiently, usually these people are carrying the workload for the wankers as well. A day, half day, number of hours away from their desk represents a gross intrusion into the role they were hired for and also means that uncompleted work piles up in the period of abscence, so any gains their efficiency may have created are wiped out in a blizzard of smug, self-satisfied fuckwittery.

There is a correlation between the number of levels between the chief exec and bottom feeders, the more levels of management = a higher likelihood of toss being uncontrollably sprayed over the staff. The excess of management also insulates and distorts information flowing in both directions, going upstream it either gets tuned to match exactly the questions asked or buried, coming downstream the information is saddled with the hopes, dreams and schemes of the managers it passes, until the end product reaching the proles resembles some kafkaesque nightmare of personal bitterness and conflicting instructions, the proles then have to comply with this or be labelled as 'not a team player'.

The excess management also means important information which is clearly visible to the proles because it's their job, to be lost completely within one or two layers of twattishness, because the layers can't relate this information to their own personal view of the world as filtered by their reality bubble, so it gets discarded. The first the chief exec gets to hear about it is when he's pulled into the dock for corporate manslaughter because of "systemic failures in procedural accuracy" cited within his company by the prosecution. They first look to the prole to blame, but the prole has already seen this coming and insulated themselves by proving that they've been bleating about this specific thing for years and it's very clearly the fault of all the management, at that point everyone gets very angry and the empire-builders (useless male managers) and nest-builders (useless female managers) are left holding the toxic baby, which they are unable to comprehend or deal with and they lose their jobs and feel bitter about it because it was all some prole's fault.

ha ha haaaaa

Here's to corporate manslaughter charges [chink of glasses]