25.06.2010 - 3:28 p.m.

Unfortunately a large number of people were killed in spain this week when they were hit crossing a railway line, thirteen more peeps are now singing with the choir eternal, i say unfortunately for the only unwitting party in this scenario, the train driver, poor bastard. The line crossers deserved everything they got for, well, crossing the line. If only there'd been twelve or maybe fourteen people, they could have survived, curse you lady luck, curse you to hell.

That subtle noise you can just about discern on the edge of your hearing is Darwin chortling.

In the UK we had the Green Cross Code Man adverts, (he was also Darth Vader, england rocks) he appeared seemingly from nowhere to loom over young children thinking about running out in front of traffic, fully kitted out in a dodgy 70's green faux-superhero suit like a badly concealed pervert hiding in the hedge outside a primary school. Once kerbside he instructed the little saucepans on how to not end up as roadkill, presumably the kids were so entranced by his rentaghost entrance that they took in everything he said and lived long happy lives, unlike modern kids who look at you blankly as you explain something (basic stuff like putting things in dishwashers when they're dirty, not applications of quantum decoherence in an eightplane geometry) and then say 'what ?' once you've finished.

Anyway, along with Tufty the roadsense squirrel, every member of english gen x who had a tv saw the Green Cross Code Man, got the fuck on-message, and looked for bridges or underpasses to cross dangerous roads.

If only these poor carcasses had been exposed at a young age to Darth Green Cross (not exposed to by Darth Green Cross, that was another series of adverts with Charlie the Nonsensical Cat) they would have known to look both ways and cross only when it was safe, and walk cautiously but quickly while looking in both directions across the road, or in this case rails. The story goes that they may have been too excited and bursting with bon viveur to walk the distance to the nice safe underpass with all the other sheeple, neither were they smart enough to look both ways before crossing, and they certainly weren't smart enough to look a long way down the line, because express trains move like bastards, express bastards at that, and finally they crossed the line just behind a stationary train, never step out in between parked cars kids, drivers can't see you and you can't see what's coming, pretty basic shit really.

I expected to read that it was a bunch of toddlers who were flattened, because young kids haven't seen the Green Cross Code man or Tufty (as they weren't born before 1979) and don't yet have the sense to understand cause and effect and danger signs, but according to the report they were all adults of varying degrees and so should at the very least have been aware of their immediate surroundings instead of running like a stupid herd of startled wildebeest across a mechanical crocodile, a crocodile with teeth of metal and a hunger, a hunger for idiots, idiots handily arranging themselves in the mouth of the crocodile, a crocodile that kills, kills to death, a deathodile, or possibly crocoslaughter, you choose.

Anyway, the headline "13 killed as train hits festival-goers in spain" should have read "Planet relieved to have got shot of thirteen more fuckwits" or "Gene pool now a bit cleaner, come on, dive in"

So poor old driver now needs to receive counseling for happening to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, or more precisely, for being exactly where he should have been at exactly the right time, but inexplicably surrounded by misplaced pre-carrion. And then there's the hundreds of travelers who got on an express train with the express purpose of being somewhere else at a predefined time, only to spend hours trackside as forensic officers walk around with large bags and cameras and hazard tape, and squeegies.

Maybe the dirty bakers dozen were all Kool-Aid Drinkers, because Drinkers don't need situational awareness due to having supernatural protectors looking out for them the whole time, and if by accident one gets 'called up' then it's a blessing for them. But i think it more likely they were just self absorbed twats.