28.01.2010 - 3:32 p.m.

I read that some repressed bitch in california complained that the merriam webster dictionary contained a reference to 'oral sex', and because of this she complained and had every copy of the fucking dictionary removed from library shelves, in case, y'know, it corrupted children (that old chestnut "ooh won't someone think of the children") and clearly had nothing to do with her barely repressed memories of being forced to blow her pastor. The great joy of dictionaries for children is discovering that these words we hear on the playground which appear at first to have gigglicious magik sprinkled on them, soon turn out to be very mundane assembleges of letters, while the idea behind the letters is indeed a bit saucy, the words are not and never will be.

UK dictionaries now include all the primary swearwords because they are words in use and therefore must be included, now when i call someone a cunt, i call them that because they are a thoroughly unpleasant or stupid person, and when i describe that person as a useless wanker (even though it's a tautology) it's because they have absolutely no worth to anyone, nothwithstanding the fact that they may also be beating themselves blind every night, (although there's nothing wrong with that in itself) but being useless in the workplace is only going to draw ire and high velocity insults.

Some baptist group declared recently that they were planning a book burning of everything that isn't the king james version of the bible (and i assume Atlas Shrugged), nice to see they're maintaining the standard for baptist groups everywhere, (warning - Godwin's law in effect) and, well, we all know who else liked book burnings, and liked beating down on the gays and minorities. So yes, it is highly likely that all baptist groups are just associations of soft nazis who like wearing cardigans instead of black shirts and skinheads, welcome to the New Order of Divine Nazi's, the most divinational of all the right wing arm stretchers.

Speaking of which, ted haggard is now officially cured of teh ghey, so all those badly suppressed urgings all his life which led him to seek the company of men are now completely gone, evaporated by the healing power of prayer, of course up until he got caught he just carried on with it, living the lies and didn't tell anyone, bottling up all those emotions. I assume now he's just been given a stronger cap to screw down on his orientation, because if you're gay you're gay, it's a bit of a bummer (arf!) if you also happen to be raised in devoutly wierd family where "we don't talk about those things" so i give him less than ten years before he's caught again 'in flagrante homo' either that or a massive mental breakdown, then the laughing will begin in earnest.

Recently added to my "ha ha haaaa, stupid fucking hicks" file is the tea party convention which is falling into disarray now that the rank (and) file have finally woken up to the fact they're being milked for cash by already wealthy republicans, ahh capitalism in action, whether through ideology or just plain threats, they will take your money one way or another.

We rescued a guinea pig last weekend from a scummy chav family who decided they didn't want it anymore because it kept squeaking, i can only assume they thought that a pet was something analogous to a video game that you can turn on and off as necessary, when this creature was sprung on us i achieved the level of quiet rage very quickly, although there was never the chance that i'd turn him away, adorable little bugger. The list of suitable retributions i cooked up for the irresponsible cockturd 'family' (in the loosest possible definition) was both long, succulent and ultimately impotent as i'm smart enough not to draw the attention of the fuzz unless my life has really hit the shitter, in which case the police are probably the least of my worries and at least i'll get a warm cell to sleep in.

So pig is both bright and becoming accustomed to us, next week we'll start with handling training, we love the squeaking and chirping, brings a smile to faces and joy to hearts, happy animals make for happy oomans, and he's now been introduced to the most novel of culinary diversions, grass. I would guess that before last weekend he's never even seen grass let alone filled his face with it, next step is to get him a piggy friend, that i think will be the trickiest part, photos etc to follow whenever i get round to it.

At least it's friday tomorrow which heralds the arrival of friday night (our only night in together) and the saturday morning lie-in which might be the most appreciated part of the week. We're now child free until sunday so we can make sexy tiem on arriving home tonight, dinner can wait beautiful wench for i must first slake my thirst in your innocence, prepare to be thirsted deep and long and i hope i don't hurt you in the process.