05.04.2004 - 2:19 p.m.

A wise man once said "naughty, naughty, very naughty aha ha ha"

and another said "If you take drugs you'll become a hippy, and hippy's suck"

and so they do.

except the bit about taking drugs.

despite what I said in a clouded moment of naive innocence, neither I nor any of my normal friends managed to get glastonbury tickets, approx 24hrs after they went on sale over 100,000 tickets had gone, vanished like an old oak table. It would seem that the only way to obtain them was to take friday off work and from thursday night keep hitting the redial button day and night until you got through, i'm just not that dedicated. It would've been nice to go but hey, I'm not gonna fight with a hundred thousand hippys for the chance to work on concentrating my body odour for 4 days while crapping in a trench latrine.

since none of us are going and we've all booked the time off, an escape to the country is planned, including but not limited to :

parties chez moi - camping somewhere really pretty and getting trollied by the sea

but is guaranteed not to have :

evil traffic jams - food poisoning - bastard hippys - stinking crusties robbing your stuff and falling on your tent in the middle of the night.

much better you have to agree. In keeping with the general spirit of glastonbury i've been offered a large share on a kilo of mexican shrooms by a chum in the know, now that is guaranteed to keep everyone smiling for the next twelve months. In any case there will be photos you'll get to see at some point.

The inhabitants of my work hole ( including me ) are being sent away in small groups to receive 'Anti-trust' training ??? I assume this is being led from the american end of our corporate family but is being taken up by european companies fast, I'm guessing it's subtitled :

"How not to shaft your employer by selling corporate secrets to organised crime syndicates or price fixing in the marketplace and thus leaving yourself wide open to never-ending lawsuits and noogies from the board of directors"

...probably. I'm glad they feel the need to remind us not to establish illegal cartels while in the workplace because that's just what I had been doing, but now I won't bother if I think they'll be watching, I just can't have any fun any more, it's like they hate me.

On the up-side I get the nice fat tasty Audi to drive to Yorkshire in, but on the down-side I have to be out of the house by 7.30am and we have to be escorted everywhere once on site and you can't smoke within the perimeter fence and you can't have mobiles switched on and I have a feeling it's going to be feckin boring and given my tendancy to fall asleep in dull meetings this does not bode well.

On a happy note though, Captain A: the Arch-Offender, returns to this damp and isolated country at the end of July which basically means the pair of us will be mashed through most of August, huzzah, it's been a long time coming.

I've not got any cutesy pictures today either so have a word -

campaign

It's just not the same is it ?

Big up yer Dartford Tunnel.