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close up - 17.11.2010
i'm not a lumberjack, but i am ok - 05.11.2010
tittewagen - 04.11.2010
bow chika wa wa - 26.10.2010
pointless quaver moaning - 13.10.2010

30.03.2004 - 1:05 p.m.

Are pigeon governments overthrown in bloody cooooo's ?

I put great faith in this body my brain drives around, apart from the bits that are just wearing down the rest works fine. The bits that seem to work the best are known locally as nose and ears. Nose came into its own yesterday lunchtime, as I was walking around I could smell springtime, that luverly smell on the air ( beyond the local pollution ) that you only get in early spring, it triggered a load of memories of being cained in previous springtime�s when the air smelled the same and I was left with a nice mellowed aftertastethought of pills, strange how memories are wired ain't it ? Ears get less special mention on account of always working perfectly, despite frequenting loud clubs and several years of live-fire exercises sans ear defenders I'd thought that their performance was degraded, but a medical ( including a hearing test ) proved that they are absolutely 20/20 ( if that can apply to ears ? ) this explains why late at night, when all is quiet I can hear an analogue watch ticking in another room and also bees farting, cows thinking etc etc, sweet.

ahhhh inglan, green and pleasant land ( now it's springtime anyway ) filled to the brim with dry humour and sarcastic wit. If we could just float inglan free of it's bedrock and sail south to warmer climes that would be spot on ( it would completely bugger the netherlands though ) simultaneously though we'd have to kill off all the people we don't like to make some more space for all the terrace gardens, barbecues and sun loungers that the rest of us are going to need.

here's something for all you puerile americans out there :

you can stop sniggering now.

boats, they're handy to stop you drowning and allow you to ride jesus-like over the waves, I don't much care for boats with less than 1400hp although any boat is essentially fun in the sun. 'The' boat race was of little interest to me too, it really doesn't engage me like it does some people, whether one team cut up the other or whether another team were hurling crustaceans at the other is just column inches in my world. The only thing that could make me watch is if the boat race received a 'Wipeout' makeover, some mini-torpedoes could liven things up as could mini-depth charges, even paintball guns would be a start, your super-light plastic racing tray could stand to take a few kilos of light armament, purely in the interests of crowd pleasing of course. It could liven up the coxs job as well, not only do you tactically steer but now you get to vent anger at opposing teams too in a variety of colourful and noisy ways......

Some preliminary results from the Happiness survey have revealed that the majority of peeps have been unhappy at some time and most were/are unhappy during adolescence, which is no surprise really. If you are currently a teenager and think the world is better off without you, try and wait until you reach your mid twenties and re-evaluate then, things generally look rosier once your hormones have settled down.

On the other hand the takeup for the Strangeness survey has been slack, I know it's cryptic and abnormally specific but don't be afraid, if it's any help the questions are literary-based, but if you've not read the book in question you can only guess ( or make up silly stuff ) I don't want to give too much away though because it'll spoil it.

I've decided that I'm sick and tired of eating, sometimes it's nice, but mostly it's really starting to grind. I need to be hypnotised so I can eat while asleep, or maybe some kind of biotechnical battery I can re-charge overnight is the way forward ?

Contradictos mes amigos

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