08.06.2007 - 1:36 p.m.

I'm starting a campaign to get Paris locked up again, she's throwing money at a situation and forcing out tears to get a jail term commuted to tagging and house arrest, bang the bitch up and not in solitary, put in the main section so she can get a proper taste of the real world, as it gives her a kicking every day while hard-nose lesbians interfere with her.

The sad thing is, the minute she gets out, her guardian ghost-writer will appear at her shoulder and make up a thin book about her 'ordeal' which will then sell and make the bitch more money, make a condition of her arrest a 'no book' clause, or for every book that is sold she gets slapped about the face and head with a hardback copy.

Don't you just want to punch her smug, self-centred face in ?

I know i do. I can't wait for the time that i'm a successful owner of a trendy nightclub so i can tell her to fuck off and not drag her giant ego into my nightclub and upset all my normal customers.

In mans eternal quest to screw over his fellow man for a handful of coins, he has found that if you can recreate a consumer item for less than the real thing and then sell it at the same price you can make more money than making and selling the real item.

I can understand about faking electronics and other high value shit 'cos that only makes sense and if i were an underworld crime lord, i'd be doing it too. It happened to a manufacturer called NEC, their entire product line was being faked, and the fakers also added some other products to their fake line that NEC don't make, so apart from the fake label was it really fake ? I call that innovation, it turned out that they'd faked the entire company and were selling royalties to other contract manufacturers to manufacture fake NEC equipment, i also call that balls-of-steel piss taking.

Apart from the normal stuff you'd expect to be faked, like designer labels and tv's and car parts, they also fake truck tyres, aircraft parts (scary) and condoms (catholic approved - they don't work) Almost everyone knows about the fake pharmaceuticals that are made across China and certain African countries, they're not really fake pharmaceuticals, they're real placebos. China apparantly has woken up to the fact that they have no morals and is about to execute a high ranking official for taking bribes

When my chinese co-worker told me about fake eggs i laughed at her, but then through the magic of the internet i improved myself and found this

Apparantly you can fake an egg for half the price it takes to make a real egg and sell the fake egg at real egg prices and make twice the money you would selling real eggs, and until you break the fake egg it's unlikely a casual observer would realise the egg was fake. People are being urged to smell eggs to determine if they are fake (as they smell of chemicals) but i guess an enterprising faker would spray 'essence of chicken' over fake eggs to recreate the chickeney ambiance.

Even the favourite of asian cooking, soy sauce, is faked, i thought that water, salt and fish essence would be easy to make, apparantly it's easier to make water and soy coloured ink, looks like soy, tastes like writing, delicious.

I have had long experience of legitimate chinese contract manufacturing and without exception it's been rubbish, flimsy and prone to breaking, i've also been (and still am) a life-long consumer of Mission speakers and was dismayed to hear that they shipped out their manufacturing operations to china, i'm hoping with fingers crossed that they using western quality control methods, or i'm changing to Kef.