21.01.2004 - 1:03 p.m.

While veg'd out in front of the tv monday, a presenter made a reference to the Picts as 'smallish people, painted blue and with a tendancy towards violence' now the only small blue things we could think of were the Smurfs, although their tendancy towards violence was never illustrated in the childrens cartoon, I think ( hope ) there must be a Manga version of the Smurfs somewhere where their violent side can be shown along with some of the seedier tableaus from Smurfette's life.

Women talk. Everyone knows it, they say it's because they're communicative, sensitive creatures and talking brings them together as 'wimyn' and makes them stronger in the phallocentric world of man. This is of course absolute rubbish. Women talk because due to a fault in evolution, they are actually word factories who through their very existance spontaneously generate words which have to be vented to prevent explosion, this is the only explanation I have for the mostly female population of my office, where they will talk about anything with only the slightest provocation, to anyone ( which includes the other wimyn they're usually putting down when out of the office ) and it never stops, ever. They dismiss the word gossip as beneath them although the subject is usually why they hate 'person x' or 'person y' because of factors 'a, b and c' then they all agree and move onto something else, it's like watching a giant amoeba of vocabulary enveloping the available topical paramecium of their lives. Scary.

On a darker side, I'm being haunted by the ghost of Noel Edmonds, he died a few years ago but refuses to accept this and as such still appears to be alive although what you see on tv these days is just an ectoplasmic residue of Noel, once he accepts that he is dead this doppelganger should evaporate. This means for me that I cannot have a saturday morning in peace, he thinks it was my fault as I was the technician in charge of the stunt he was pulling at the time ( the program containing the stunt never went to air ) he appeared to survive the electrical shock at the time so no-one thought much of it, but now we know.

I had a minor success with an fruit flavoured Ice lolly last summer marketed through the Foods and Additives Division of Svecol Industries, and building on that I'm working on a new range for summer 2004, look out for -

Taste-Icles.... they're yummy, you can pop them in your mouth and suck them whole or leave them attached to the bit of wood and run your tongue all over them, either way you'll be glad you had a Taste-Icle.

coming to a freezer near you soon in a variety of flavours.

mmmmmmmmmm, icy balls of flavour.