14.10.2003 - 1:01 p.m.

I�m not really here you know, I�m being very quiet because I�m hunting wabbits, so shhhhhh, lets try and sneak up on the pesky wascal.

There�s not enough weirdness in my life ( although the one or two people who read this may think otherwise ) I got the opportunity to watch Donnie Darko last night and did, and to be honest I think I can probably handle weirdness a stage or two further than Donnie was living ( I have to agree with a great many other people though, it is a very good film, but for lovers of dark humour I would suggest watching DarkStar which should be ~if it�s not already~ a cult film )

It�s been a long time since I opened myself up to a really good session of hallucinations, but they never seem as clear ( or real ) as I want them to be, out of my little group of cainers I�m usually the one most in touch with the real world and capable of �tasks that need completing� but I think this is impacting my enjoyment as I can�t lose myself totally in the trip, bah humbug. Besides, I never get the clarity required to completely fool the mind that what my eyes are seeing isn�t a product of my brain looping back on itself but the fact the there�s a temporal schism forming in spacetime in front of me ( which is what I�m really after )

A friend suggested that PCP may be a route to wild hallucinations but I already know they will be tainted by the drug itself and thus lose impact, because no matter how I try to lose myself, there�ll be, as always, that little box of reality which my brain retains. When spaced I can look into my mind and see the box rendered as a physical object with the real world going on inside it ( as opposed to the serotonin maelstrom going on around it in the rest of my mind ) and I can dip in and out of it depending on what needs achieving.

I fuckin luuuuurve drugs !

I�m going to start some objective tests with new substances both natural and synthesised ( I prefer natural though ) to see if I can better myself, any suggestions would be appreciated.

We�ve recently had our internet servers updated and part of that involves new software on my computer which means they are now definitely monitoring where, how long and what I look at on the �net, it doesn�t bother me too much but I�ve reduced my surf time to a level where if they pull me up I can rightly go off on one rather than just apologising and promising never to do it again ( not like me at all ! ) This means that the number of links I use will diminish to zero from now until I arrange my own computer at an unspecified time in the future. Or this could be a cunning way to disguise my utter laziness.

Still no wabbits though