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08.10.2003 - 1:21 p.m.

Some kind of up-date safari is needed here, the number of uncategorised creatures living in and around us is increasing what with entropy an all, so here's the ones my crack team of ethno-botanists have managed to discover so far ( the ones we can tell you about anyway, the rest are classified ) We don't know where they come from, how they evolved to their current state or what ecological niche they explore but they're there so just shut up and read ( or don't read and go do something more interesting )

Tiny Angry Plutonium powered Nanosheep - they're angry because they're plutonium powered and are actually all paid up members of CND, plutonium was just natures way of supplying them with the large amounts of energy they need. They also carry planck-destabilising-particle-guns, these are a side effect of biological weapons at nanoscale sizes, the weapons were a natural defense mechanism, but are so small that they interfere with space-time on the quantum scale, it takes a lot of very angry sheep to make themselves known at any level above the nanoworld.

Urban Giraffes - normal giraffes live on the open savannah of Africa where their long legs and necks allow them the reach the juicyest leaves and see for miles, Urban Giraffes have colonised most cities on the African continent but have also made it as far as the Americas and southern China. Their special ability in urban areas is to fold themselves octopus like into the smallest of cracks in the side of buildings, or sometimes into drain pipes and downspouts, they also have an adaptive camoflage similar to but better than octopus and chameleons which is why they've never been seen.

X-ray Gorillas - like normal gorillas but only visable in the x-ray part of the EM spectrum, they never hang around hospitals or airports and so have never been categorised before.

Evil Lucky Clover - normal lucky clover ( more than 3 leaves ) is usually down to random genetic mutations away from the normal number of leaves ( 3 ) the mutations can happen as part of the genetic process all living things go through ( except blob lions ) or can be stimulated by a sub-atomic interaction, like the collision between the DNA of the plant and a cosmic ray or high energy particle on it's way through the earth. The result of the latter interaction creates Lucky Multi-Leafed Clover, but with a seething hate of everything that matures into a pure evil malevolence as the plant grows, luckily Evil Clover almost never gets its fronds on nuclear weapons, which would be the end of us all.

Excitable Blob Lions - like lions but made of a gelatinous non-regular structure, can assume the shape of anything but prefers lion shaped. It eats by dropping out of trees onto its target and quickly dissolving it inside its body, there are no indications of internal organs of any type, they procreate by dividing themselves into two new Blob Lions both identical but slightly smaller, they grow proportional to the amount of food they eat. They can be easily encouraged to dance when exposed to music and become slightly less dangerous while doing so, they become very dangerous when the music stops, never play musical chairs with Blob Lions.

Volcanic Butterflies - transparent butterfly like creatures with a body mainly comprised of silicon/carbon. They can withstand temperatures over 3000.c and use volcanoes as places to mate and lay eggs where the natural heat helps the incubation of the young. They emerge from the eggs as fully developed butterflies instead of following the normal route through caterpillar and pupae. They feed by absorbing complex volatile compounds from the gases of volcanoes. They have been known to populate smelting plants where the heat replicates their natural environment, sightings in smelting plants have been reported but are generally dismissed as tiredness by the operators or the effects of working in a high temperature environment. They are classed as harmless but interesting.

Happy Trip Worms - indistinguishable from normal earthworms without close inspection. Under a microscope it is possible to see a large grin where the mouth is, they delight in hiding just below the surface of the leaf litter and tripping up small mammals, they're nearly indestructible and pass through the bodies of birds and moles unscathed.

Giant gravity sloths - they have the name sloth because they generally resemble the normal shape of a 3 toed sloth, the giant gravtiy sloth weighs around forty tonnes and uses an as yet unexplored avenue of gravitational physics to lift its body clear of the ground. Although they cannot move at high speeds, they are impervious to hard vacuum and radiation due to their dense fur and can spend time in orbit by subtly changing their relationship with the earths gravitational field to rupulse themselves off the ground. When on the ground they inhabit small inaccessible areas of south America living off foliage and fruit, they live for an estimated 300yrs but only reproduce once or twice bearing one offspring each time. they have no natural predators ( we're aware of ).

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