08.12.2003 - 1:30 p.m.

By the time this is posted there should be a survey of Strangeness somewhere in svenland, I've deliberately tried not to make any sense this time in case you thought it was a natural affliction. Those of you who know what I'm on about please display your immense knowledge with a smug cryptic answer in kind.

While discussing the temporal physics of fashion last night with No.14 a few half hidden truths started to show just the hint of an ankle, the first being :

Corduroy. Apparantly, the huge number of vertical lines inherant in this material can cause space/time to get confused and allow you to slip through the gaps ( I was as suprised as you lot ) and there is a critical number of 'cords' that must be present within a certain area to trip such an event, so for example, just wearing some corduroy strides is not enough, and even the addition of a jacket is not enough either, but should you add a waistcoat, that is generally accepted ( amongst those who know ) to be over the critical mass of corduroy that space/time can contain and you will find yourself outside of the continuum as we know it, whether you pop into another reality though is not known as no-one has ever come back. This would explain a large number of missing persons from the sixties and early seventies who vanished without trace.

I call this idea 'cord theory' which is like 'string theory' but a bit thicker. Once my crack team of researchers has generated any results ( and once they've been declassified ) i'll let you know. We're planning to dress a series of super-intelligent monkeys in a full on, brown corduroy wedding suit and see if they turn up at any point in the past ( there's a hypothetical but unproven theory that 'cord-slips' always go back in time ) the monkeys will then be able to make contact with an earlier incarnation of our company. However there is another theory that states: due to the cyclical nature of fashion and the fact that 'cord-space' exists outside of space-time that our brave little monkeys could end up at a time in the future when Corduroy is back in fashion, we're not sure how this can happen due to the laws of causality but so far we think that large concentrations of corduroy in history ( or the future ) can warp 'cord-space' a bit like space-time is warped by large masses and so draw a time-slippin' monkey towards it.

Luckily, I've not been exposed to enough Corduroy for it to have a lasting effect on me, and generally I gave up on 'fashion' when it dawned on me I would never have enough money to do it properly so I developed depth of character instead. There are examples of fashion casualties littered all over the place, I happened to be sat opposite some on the tube on the way to an overnight mashing, they were scousers and had obviously used daddies credit card to buy all the items marked 'hot' in a fashion type magazine regardless of style and the end result was a terrible mish-mash of pricy stuff hanging off a couple of muppets, myself and No.11 laughed inwardly to ourselves and once off the tube laughed outwards and noisely. Fashion police would be a good thing, the only problem being ( as ever ) who would police the fashion police ?

Luckily the fashion police will never spot me on account of being invisible to them, by avoiding fashions past and present I can blend into the background radiation of clothing in the present and so move unnoticed. In an ideal working environment ( i.e. out of a f@kkin office ) I'd be able to dress like a toned down paramilitary type, which I've always found to be simple, practical and unobtrusive, and with the addition of a sidearm I'm ready for anything.

That's all, feeling too unimaginative to do a large entry today, there's more on the way but I'm strugglin' to get it to a point where it's postable in the face of work and other distractions.