09.07.2004 - 10:48 a.m.

They say time is relative.

although saying that, time is no relative of mine and I can't identify who 'they' might be, whoever 'they' are, they've been getting around a bit, seems like everyone is quoting them these days.

What I know for sure is that my personal relationship with time, which has always been tenuous, is getting more distant all the time. I'm used to not knowing what the date is or sometimes what month we're in, if it weren't for the seasons changing......

But anyway, last night I was making pillow talk with J in the dark, and was describing how lazy I am on mornings when waking in my own bed and then only just getting into work on time ( about 2 hours in total, when staying at J's I'm subject to time slots for bathroom etc and am usually in work about an hour after waking ) and to me that particular morning felt it was a long time ago, like I was trying to recall something distant and hazy, it dawned slowly that that morning was actually tuesday morning, about 14 hours previous to the conversation, but the only memory I had of that morning felt like it was last week.

Either my workplace is located on a temporal node of strangitude which dilates time or....

....I've chemically removed the bits of my brain which measure the passing of time. Although I always wake up just in time to hear my alarm go off ( rather than waking to the alarm ) so at least one bit of brain must be keeping watch, unfortunately it doesn't communicate well.

One other item of weirdness which made me laugh out loud, I'm driving down a dual-carraigeway and I'm overtaken by a small, silver, 5-door hatchback and the nearside front body panel is a red, scrapyard replacement, and then in front of me a small, red, 5-door hatchback pulls out from the left and this one has a replacement silver body panel on the offside front, and for a short while these cars are side by side like a mirror image of each other, what are the odds ? and more specifically what are the odds of me being there to witness ?

In other news, despite not being colourblind and knowing full well that a zebra is black and white and horse shaped, I still keep confidently using the word 'giraffes' to describe them. Honestly, I'm about ready to give up.....

Meteodepressorparanoic - The state of sustaining a negative, self-centered attitude by maintaining unreasonable expectations of the english weather and then using it to reinforce your own ( incidentally invalid ) view of the world.

So I've walked to tesco's and picked up a few bits n bobs, it's about 22c outside and there's some light cloudage and it's trying to shed some moisture by gently raining, the whole situation's quite pleasant, it's comfortably warm and the rain's not enough to get you wet. There I am buying some fags and the overly chirpy woman says,

'ooo, i 'ate this weather, it's so grey and depressing'

now I know she's just making nondescript conversation but I didn't go to her to talk about the state of a) The Planet and b) Her pointless interpretation of The Planet, all I want from her is a pack of smoke sticks and some change, a smile might be a nce addition but I wouldn't expect it. I countered her with,

'I quite like it, it's warm and the rain's refreshing'

From the look she gave me with my change, what I must have said was,

'yesterday I threw a child down a well and nailed it's parents into a house filled with Box jellyfish'

but I'm pretty sure I said the first thing about warm and refreshing. It's also funny that the people who are most likely to moan about weather are the older people who experienced more weather than, well, younger people. Now if you've lived here for more than ten years you've probably seen everything you're ever going to see weather wise, so why get depressed / surprised / annoyed because ( just for once ) the skies cloud over and it gets a bit chilly.

On a similar note that person would also get lumped with these people in my New World Order ( and probably shipped to america or somewhere else remote )

Me, in Blockbuster at the till - 'There's no copy of 'Bouncing tiger, Laughing dragon' on the shelf has it come back and you've not had a chance to put it back on the shelf yet ?'

Blockbuster woman - 'sorry luv, it's out at the moment'

Me - 'ah well, I'll just have these two then, thanks'

Man of family stood next to me at till - 'it's not very good, you know, it's all martial arts and it's subtitled as well'

Me - ' I like martial arts films, and I like to hear a film in it's original language, subtitles don't detract from the enjoyment'

Woman of family stood next to me at till - 'oh you don't want to see that, it's rubbish, I tried to watch it once but turned it off after a half hour and went to bed, it's soo stupid. I mean they're standing on the tops of trees and things'

Me - 'ah'

Woman of family stood next to me at till - 'you ought to see this ( waves an indeterminate video at me ) it's much better'

Me - 'why don't you and your ugly fucking family take your worthless opinions and fuck off outta my sight before I stab you in the eyes you common bitch, if I wanted to know what you think I'd have asked you, the fact that I didn't means I also didn't want you to volunteer, who the fuck are you, Barry Norman ? now you've to the count of five before I force this party bag of spicy dorito's up your arse'

If only. I think I actually ignored her last statement, didn't look at the video she was waving and turned back to the woman behind the till while furiously trying to teleport them into a low earth orbit with the power of my mind, from there I could then go outside and watch the shooting stars as they burned up on reentry, they made no further attempt to draw me into their cabal of blandness and left.

As it happens I think tigerdragon would have been lots better than BadBuoys, but I got Nemo out to counter the hackneyed-ness of buddy cop film and Nemo turned out to be really really good, and if I could do a good impersonation of Crush Turtle ( and translate the accent into print ) I would .

Crush Turtle ? doesn't sound very ecologically friendly to me, does Pixar or Disney have some evil hidden agenda thing going on ?