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bow chika wa wa - 26.10.2010
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06.08.2010 - 2:16 p.m.

I'd like to take this opportunity to offer congratulations and a hand clap so slow as can only be measured in geological terms to 'traditional' chinese medicine. Traditional being stressed in the most ironic possible terms and actually meaning arse-backwards mentally retarded fucking idiotic piss swimming bullshit.

The last (or possibly second to last) rhino in an african game reserve was butchered to death for her horn in the most horrible manner possible, all to serve a market based on fairies and moonbeams designed to extract money from the stupidest of people irrespective of their actual IQ or social standing.

Just because something is old, it doesn't mean it's right, accurate or even effective, to maintain an irrational practice just because it's been around for a long time is a tautology of the most fucking inane, for that matter why do we not still use children in mining ?

I wonder what will happen when all the animals the chinese routinely slaughter for their witch doctery are completely dead in the wild (and we're not far from that now) Not really thought that one all the way through have you now ? how are the beijing billionaires going get a hard on when you start cutting it with cow dick or some sythetic chemical shit you'd normally be putting into childrens milk to cover up the fact you've diluted it with water, i mean once it's dried and powdered you can't really tell one animal from another ?

It's like homeopathy with a burning hatred of nature.

Will they encourage poachers to start raiding zoos and safari parks, as the supply dwindles the price will go up and up, so at some point some short sighted greedy wank crust is going to try and chainsaw up a rhino in a zoo so he can make some money.

There isn't a punishment any court would enforce that properly reflects what they actually deserve, i've half a mind to set up my own international court based on rational thought and with rulings handed down based on the crime being committed, you think it's ok to kill an animal with power tools so you can make some quick cash to spend on drugs and whores, well lets see how you like the same, you don't need both of those kidneys so i'm taking one out with a jigsaw

Motherfucker

And you're not getting any treatment, just as the rhino was left to bleed to death as you made your getaway, you're not even getting an ice bath or pain relief, and the whole thing will be televised live globally, you know for sure that Fox will lap that shit right up. Any country that feels its laws and punishment aren't fitting for the scale of the crime can hand over jurisdiction to my International Court of You Fucking Deserve It and you will be tried in accordance with the laws of nature. You like making money from killing tigers for their dicks ? shooting beautiful cats with high powered rifles make you horny does it ?

Well here's Taga the tiger, she's eight years old and it's just you and her in a locked room, she's hungry and received a hearty smack on the arse with a plank as she was released into the room, now let's watch events unfold from the big brother array of cameras in the ceiling...

I guarantee to provide an effective deterrent.

And it's easy to find the poachers, you start with the shops selling the 'remedies' and work backwards from there, with the application of 'appropriate technology' people in the supply chain will be singing like canaries, and sooner or later you'll end up with the middlemen who buy the stuff from the poachers, find out who all his mates are and butcher them, all of them, as a sign to any others who may try fill his blood filled shoes.

The alternative is responsible people go out and round up every single poachable animal and move them into properly secured areas so there're no animals left in the wild. From an ecological perspective this works because you retain the bloodlines in a controlled environment, the random killing stops and the populations can be stabilised thus ensuring their survival.

I'd also like to congratulate the greater chinese government on their wisdom and foresight in the building of the three gorges dam. It appears they neglected to consider the 180 million people living upstream who routinely throw all their rubbish into the rivers supplying the dam because none of the cities they live in have working sewage systems of organised refuse collection. This has reached the point where the accumulated crap has collected into a raft of detritus you can safely walk across and now the dam engineers have to work out how to remove the rubbish fast enough to stop it jamming the flow control gates. I guess it's a modern version of when the thames used to freeze solid in winter, except ice is biodegradable and bird strangling rubbish isn't.

All this will be moot when the next major earthquake in the region fatally cracks the dam and then the shit will really hit the fan, and i will not be contributing to the aid companies begging for money to help the flood victims when the source of the flood is 100% human stupidity derived. Not because i hate chinese people, on the contrary, i'm a bit of a sinophile, i think east asia is a beautiful place and i've yet to meet a chinese person i didn't like, but governments always manage to fuck stuff up in the name of their people, irrespective of how nice the actual people are, individually or culturally.

Time will tell.

What is it with people in range rovers that instantly turns them into boorish fuckwits, don't call me a wanker you slopey browed retard just because i happened to be on a roundabout and you had to stop to give way to me, that's how roads work in this country, just accept it. Oh noes, now i've delayed you by eight seconds, poor you, it looks like you'll be late for your wife beating session. Of all the encounters i've had with road rage overtones, at least half of the protagonists have been cunts in range rovers. Unbelievable.

Certainly statistically significant in any case, please remember this if you have a hankering to buy a unwieldy, fuel drinking, three tonne penis extension.

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