27.04.2007 - 3:11 p.m.

On the merits of wigs for ant queens ( Marie-ant-wig-nette)

Is it possible that i can leave my job and restart my life as a circus juggler juggling squirrels ? this would obviously be a crowd pleaser, but i may not be radical enough, if i can train the squirrels to juggle peanuts while i'm juggling them, that would be even better, i may be able to market it to Cirque du Soleil if i replace the peanuts with tiny foam chainsaws, (to stop the animal rights people saying i'm irresponsible by giving real tiny chainsaws to squirrels) now I just need to learn how to juggle.

i was sent an article today about BZP, and how the moral fibre of this country is still under threat from evil pushers and the horror they dispense and the new horrors that still await to be criminalised before they are pushed onto us by evil pushers. Only last year the loophole around shrooms was closed, to provide a united stand against all forms of enjoyment ( except those which make lots of money for governments and their wealthy friends )

Obviously the papers have been full over the last fifty years about the crimes commited by people on shrooms and the grand theft committed to fund their mushroom habits and the social horror caused by gangs of youths in hoodies roaming the streets high on mushrooms, sound familiar ? i thought not.

One point which they managed to sneak into the article, i suppose under the guise of trying to show even-handed journalism ( you'd not have heard about it in the Mail ) was that her cause of death was Hypernatremia, or thinning of the blood caused by drinking too much water. By coincidence this is also the cause of death for leah betts and an australian girl, anna wood and in both these cases there was a disproportional media circus highlighting how drugs are bad m'kay, and everything that isn't booze or fags should be banned. Both these cases also heavily featured poster campaigns and angry parents ranting at the media for maximum effect and questions in parliament about the decline of moral fibre and what was left to ban and how quickly can we ban it.

What none of these knee-jerk witch-hunts recognised was that it wasn't the drugs that killed their darling daughters but their darling daughter's complete lack of understanding about what they were doing and the correct way to do it. If i could do a survey in the Brixton Academy among the three thousand temporary inhabitants about whether it was sensible to drink eight litres of water while off your head, not one person would think it was sensible, i can pretty much guarantee that.

So it wasn't the drugs that killed them after all, it was a complete lack of education, which i would think stems from mindless prohibition and unwillingness to discuss, 'in case it leads to an appearance of acceptance' followed by howls of disapproval and another media frenzy.

If you were a teacher and you knew that at some point in their young lives about half your class would try mdma, would you educate them that drinking water excessively will lead to death and if you did, how long would it take for you be dismissed from your post following howls of disapproval from the PTA prompted by stupid parents who think that you're selling drugs to their children, 'who would never do such a thing, we've not raised our children to be druggies, that irresponsible teacher should be shot'

So this is slightly less of a rant by a twisted drug taking liberal sociopath, i also found some statistics, because as we know statistics can be used to prove anything, so i'm going to throw some badly interpreted numbers at you and you can check the sources for what they actually mean.

1) Of 81 deaths between 1997 and 2000 in the UK, only 7% were attributed solely to mdma, the others had cocktailed with opiates and whatnot

2) The number of deaths in the UK attibuted to solely to alcohol in 1991 was 4144, this rose to 8386 by 2005, this as you can see is slightly higher than the mdma number

3) the Lancet recently came out with this little beauty, over 7 million reported deaths globally in 15 to 29 year olds were due to hazardous alcohol use.

4) and finally this one from the US of A, land of God and the American way, yee haw. Around 100,000 deaths per year caused directly by alcohol (cirrhocis of the liver) or indirectly (drunk driving or misadventure)

So there you have it, numbers, if they could speak, would speak for themselves. It actually seems that recreational party drugs are less bad for you (statistically) than booze n fags, (I've not included tobacco figures because we all know that's bad and leads directly to death, do not pass go, do not collect your pension) which leads me to some worrying conclusions :

1) governments (or the Illuminati) are conspiring to slow the rise in population by giving us the tools by which they can kill us off and make it look like it's our fault
2) there's so much money being made off the sales of booze n fags that it would financially cripple any government that banned these evil substances
3) the rise in teenage binge drinking is a pederast conspiracy to cause our children to allow themselves to be raped and abused by pervy old men
4) the widespread use of party drugs might encourage people to think for themselves rather than having thoughts dulled through constant alcohol use, this would then lead to a reduction in religious congregations (incidentally the christian thing of drinking wine at the alter just proves that alcohol is used to control - blood of christ ? fuck off)

On the subject of christian conspiracies, i recently tripped over Conservapedia, and to be fair i haven't laughed so hard in a long time,

"damm you liberals and your liberal ways, your liberalisation of this world is an affront to everything we've made up and believe in"

I love it when a minority of people are annoyed by the majority because of their minority beliefs, it's even better when that minority are american conservatives because they're so easy to mock, it's like laughing at clowns, you laugh at them because they do silly things, to them, they're just doing normal clown things. I especially like the piss poor arguments levelled against that bunch of hairy, hippy liberals at Wikipedia.

This bit about the use of spellings and language,

" The policy of English Wikipedia to allow both CE/BCE and AD/BC notation,[16] and both British English and American English spellings,[17] are also interpreted as "anti-Christian" and "anti-American" bias, respectively"

I think, if the dear hearts at conservapedia look in a history book (a real one) they will find out that :

The white, anglo-saxon protestants that now fill the great country of america originally came (mostly) from England, they floated across the atlantic on some ships and landed at Plymouth Rock, they brought with them their Christianity, therefore Christianity is English, to deny this history is like saying the earth is six thousand years old, i would love to hear the reasons why the english language is anti-christian.

But to be fair they've denied pretty much everything so far, so denying modern history is small potato(e)s to them, have a look at their take on kangaroos and just imagine...

Actually, there's never been any fossils or evidence found of Noahs Ark so how do they know it existed ?