03.09.2010 - 3:26 p.m.

My office at work contains people three, comprised of myself, a manager and a production supervisor. We're all male and approximately the same age and the atmosphere tends towards barrack room verging on frat house, all noxious expellations are not just accepted but expected and awards for volume are given as curses questioning the dealt'rs ancestry or current situation. Descriptions for each other are centered around the persons regional origins, usually followed by a colourful descriptor sourced from hackneyed stereotypes and basic human anatomy.

At times it does resemble a no holds barred swear-a-thon, or the darker corners of /b/, and in common with groupings of men everywhere 'tis all in good humour. Because of the wide array of acceptable topics arriving thick and fast and blue tinged into the forum, some interesting points sometimes get thrown up, even if the source of the point is mired in filth.

A hypothetical question was posed, what would be the likely reaction if the supervisor advised the QC girl that he kept her image in the front of his mind while banging one out ?

The actual reaction (if he ever had the balls to do so (which he hasn't)) being as the QC girl has long experience of the supervisor, would be to tell him he's disgusting and stop messing about and get back to work and all would be forgotten (she's not got much of a working memory)

It was agreed that there is a general discrepancy between the sexes in that in the main, women are far more likely to be creeped out at unbidden messages of climactic imagery from a man than the inverse, where a woman randomly advises a man out of the blue that while riding the dong train to o-ville she frequently retains his image in her mind. In general the reason is because y'know, men are on the whole not too bothered by what they stick it in as long as it's warm. However a great number of caveats also rose to the fore. The main one and possibly a deal breaker is how hot the receiver of this information rates the imparter.

If you were confronted by a raggedy, stinking troll-like person of the gender of your sexual preference who gave you this information you'd likely want a shower with extra mind bleach to cleanse yourself of what could conceivably be labeled as mental rape, the knowledge that your presence on the fabric of space-time is unwittingly being used without your consent in some swamp beasts' onanastic gymnastics. It might be a hard time justifying it in court but i think the argument is solid.

However if you were told this nugget of info by a hypothetical person whose presence alone is enough to cause various mammalian swellings in your body, would you mind so much ? for that matter, if you were free and able, would you subsequently offer to introduce your physical presence into their next bout of self abuse, or if a little shy about jumping on unfamiliar people, take this new and decidedly horny information back to your own wanking chariot for some mental retribution.

The supervisor in question is a far cry from what might be described as an attractive man to a woman, we prefer to know him as likely 2am back alley bear-bait, saying that, the QC girl isn't exactly 'all that' either, being as she is, quite dull and not too bright and an odd shape for a human (can't explain it but you'd know if you saw her) although in her favour she does have boobs; but no-one here would say they could take her company for longer than it takes to glaze her face and cleavage, and post glow pillow talk would be enough to pull the pillow onto your own face and hold it there awaiting the sweet release of asphyxionic unconsciousness.

Even if the imparter isn't quite up to the desired partner standards of the receiver, i doubt many people would descend into a puritanical apoplectic coma just because they find out they feature nightly in someone's imagination, unless they felt sufficiently threatened in the real world that imagination is only one step away from waking up in the dead of the night to the person stood over your bed, which is a bit creepy.

In that case does buff bod trump creepy brain ? obviously unless you know for sure that the person does / does not have a creepy mind one can only work with the information at hand, i.e. that handsome person in another department fancies me, it's a little weird but i can handle it because they're fit and conform to sociological expectations i hold, after all, i've picked up worse after beveragical consumption on a friday night.

It's not until later when you find out they've got a shrine to you in a wardrobe surrounded by decapitated barbies that the whole 'buff bod' thing gets subsumed by restraining orders and teh revulsion.

The final analysis of the level of acceptance regarding creepiness depends on how desperate you are, sexual desperation (especially in the presence of alcohol) has a way of temporarily lowering standards, at least until you realise who you've done and the whole guilt ridden 'what have i become' steps to the fore to propel you at high velocity out of their house at 3am with your pants in your hand. It's been proven in numerous studies (citation needed) that in men excessive pressure build up in the testicular region directly results in a decrease in IQ and mental performance, with a time lapse camera it'd be like watching evolution in reverse until in the final slides, the participant is caught shagging the camera housing.

As i'm shit at the whole meeting people and talking to them thing i'm very glad i've been saved by a hot woman from ever having to make an arse of myself again by transforming mid sentence into a hugh grant inspired word stumbling retard in the very presence of a girl. I do know that i feature in her dreams in a very sexy way, i'm happy about this because she's hot, she's happy about it because i'm hot also and as my imagination isn't up to much i don't have to strain it by imagining her when she's right in front of me anyway.

We're having a fancy dress party to celebrate J's end of radiotherapy misery, the theme was come as what you'd like to come back as, she's going as a cat with a home made cat outfit and very soft and furry, we made the boy a cardboard pacman outfit and i'm going as a robot with tinfoil boxy home made outfit complete with glowy red eyes a small plasma globe mounted in the chest and tinfoil ducting for arms and legs. Most other people coming are so devoid of imagination regarding their potential reincarnation possibilities that they're either just coming in regular fancy dress or are not dressing at all and paying the fine donation to cancer research.

I thought (right or wrong) that everyone at some point has thought about what they'd like to reincarnate as, isn't that just normal behavior ?

I've built the suit to last with the judicious use of mucho duct tape so it will go in the attic once the party is over, as it also occurred to me that with the addition of some matt green spray paint, minor adjustments to the currently benign and inoffensive facial expression and some arm/shoulder mounted nerf guns, at a later date my robot suit could go full mecha and be rad to the max.

Do people even still say 'rad to the max' out side of small time-warped surfer enclaves in california ? i feel so old.