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23.08.2004 - 5:00 p.m.

Here follows is a transcript of correspondance between myself and Mr A, I felt this was a gold plated example of the lunacy we leave ourselves open to every day and as such ought to be kept for posterity rather than be destroyed with the closure of my workmail account.

You are under no obligation to read any or all of this, if you do, you do so at your own risk.

Andy started it with an innocent one line question wrapped up in a paragraph of silliness....

( if it is continued after today I'll add to this entry )

It begins :

Yo Yoko O Ono

What? ever. How is time in your neck of the woods? Linear? Refracted? Smashed up like a thugs bloody face & crying itself to sleep?

Over here, things are multicoloured and not happening in the correct spectrum at all. I expect the breath of a bad dog to correct the situation come Wednesday. Failing that I'm going to buy an icecream and pray for the prophet, Mohammed 99 flake, to sort things before everything comes to a messy end. Cone No O No.

Other than that there's no news of real import, but then, there never is. I do have a question though: Are we going to Brixton Fair & what will the weather be like if we get there?

********

your verbal meanderings are most amusing to our collective, you may continue in this style until such time as the sky falls on your head

to answer your final question -

we are not going to brixton fair, for brixton fair is not fair it is dirty and ridden with filth and bad punctuation,

the weather will of course be good, as it always is during these forays into the dark side, for i have forseen it.

the weather until then will be shitty and mostly wet with outbreaks of sport in foreign countries buggering everything up.

time, as you well know is neither linear nor refracted but depends wholly on the observers position, our position here at the hub of the multiverse is mostly reclined therefore time appears to be orange with micro-sized giant gorillas dotted thoughout the fabric of space/time, this explains everything.

**********

Continuations are but fluctuations of eventless situations.

THIS IS A FLUCTUATION:

Everybody off the boat, grab a coat, a goat and a nursemaid to. Shave the nursemaids eyebrows off (but ask her nice) & feed the goat. Tell it stories too & hope that it will it remember and like you should conditions get rough. Call it Dave & marry it to the nursemaid on a chalked out pentagram. Then, using 2 halves of a cococunt, play the theme tune for cricket & call up the spirits of the ocean, Neptune, Jaws, and Sinbad. A party will ensure. Just remember to keep Sinbad away from the fruities & Jaws off the fags, at nearly a fiver a packet he's been forced to give up. If Paul Daniels & Debbie Mghee turn up, tell them to fuck off. Magic.

THIS IS A CONTINUATION:

I have spoken to a lady currently occupying a geo-stationary orbit and she assures me that the sky is going no where for a while yet. She also assures me that she's not Margaret Thatcher and even if she was, she still wouldn't eat Cod.

Speaking of Haribo, little bears made out of Jelly should have no influence upon the dwindling Indian tribes of the Amazon & this much should be obvious. As it is, 8 out of 10 Eastern Europeans still prefer steel & would gladly clean their teeth, given the chance.

If you are reading this & it is making sense, I can only conclude that the micro-sized giant gorillas of the multiverse (tm) are still in control. Charleton Heston grab your guns - there's going to be a monkey shoot.

**********

We can see this could get silly(er), but here we go anyway...

these eventless situations are but facets of a multidimensional conflagration between good and evil being represented ( in this case ) by doug mclure representing good and two thirds of a beaver for evil. evil has taken the lead by mass buying property south of the river at this time of night, you must be joking, and now looks set to reprise it's role in the downfall of rome by turning the home counties into a giant swamp of prehistoric conditions, replete with giant dragonflies and a higher oxygen level than we're used to, which may result in the accidental ( but more likely deliberate ) inflammation of good. good however has seen the plan of evil by using his eye-of-the-future technique and has taken steps to remove the oxygen by breeding giraffes with over-clocked lungs and then feeding them limestone, this rock-eating giraffe combination will simultaneously remove oxygen and fart out copious amounts of carbon dioxide bringing the planet back into harmony with the siren song of the night, meanwhile doug has skirted round the back of daytime to plant seeds of destruction within the windowbox of evil and should evil look from it's kitchen of hate out over the street of mire then the seeds of love will envelop it in a sweet sweet haze of anti-destruction, evil which is more used to chopping down trees with its mouth of chaos and piling the resulting logs in a ski-lodge of fury formation, cannot repulse such a hallmark moment and will wilt under the onslaught, power to good with the slightly torn shirt and the wild look in his eye as he leads the motley band of escapees back into daylight from under the gaze of hatred.

but evil lives on in the hearts of artichokes, planning, ever planning the glorious return to the throne of roses where it will sit in totality using the power of distant stars to manifest the dead from beyond their graves and then they will triumph over good and the conflagration will subsist, that is the nature of continuation.

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