21.10.2009 - 4:24 p.m.

have you noticed the smell of crazy permeating the air ?

not the kind of crazy you treat with prozac, secure accomodation and counselling sessions, the crazy that lurks beneath the apparently normal veneer of urban life. For many people it's whatever racist, contrary bullshit is being vomited from the GOP ideas factory or the RIAA and their "how can we charge people for singing songs in their head"

[update] in the UK the equivalent of the RIAA is the PRS who are trying to enable the crazy greed machine, see the link.

For others crazy is simply not believing in whatever you believe in, fred phelps by anyone's standard (ok, anyone who isn't a hardcore baptist) is certifiable but until he tries to carve up a gay with a fruit knife he's out on the streets and living an ostensibly normal life.

as a species we're pretty flaky, i can't identify a species with as high a flakage quotient as us, maybe it's the curse of large temporal lobes leading to the tendancy to make stuff up and then believe it like it's been handed to us carved into golden plates. To satisfy our urge for self destruction (other than 4000 years of intraspecies warfare) humans like to make up stuff where we all die rather than just the blacks or the jews or the armenians or any native peoples who happen to be living in a country which europe 'discovers'

the story of the balloon boy pretty much passed me by, when it broke i was hoping that the kid was actually in the balloon just to see the media response when he fell into a mountain and went splat, but sadly it turned out to be yet another boring hoax perpetrated by boring media-whore parents who were following the well trodden path of fame and riches The American Way i.e. by being complete cunts coast to coast, debase your way to success, prostrate yourself before the lowest common denominator and await the catcalls, booing and barrage of bud light bottles that signify you've arrived.

what did catch my eye about this same sad family unit was the comment attributed to the father about how he needs media success to turn into personal wealth to finance the building of a bunker to survive the 2012 apocalypse when the sun explodes.

if you'd like to take a minute to let that sink in before asking the obvious questions about his understanding and/or comprehension of, well, everything.

i started with the obvious one,

1) how's a bunker going to save you when the sun has exploded (i worked on two scenarios of 'sun exploding') the "don't worry about those glaciers darling, our bunker will keep us safe (stellar surface ejection and subsequent cooling)" to "the earth may be a molten smear of particles each no bigger than a cantaloupe melon, but our bunker will protect us (stellar core explosion)"

followed on by

2) how's your misconception about a misunderstanding of a mistranslation going to mean a star will explode in three years time
3) no really, do you seriously think that or was it just a crazy survivalist type sound-bite that slipped out of your face
4) ah, i see the reference to alien exogenesis, now the crazy puzzle is starting to fall into place
5) i wonder if we should be testing the water for lead content
6) do you eat a lot of homemade rye bread mr heene ?

i mean really

One prediction i can make that i'm 100% sure about is that in the months running up to 23.12.12 stupid people will be taking out credit cards they can't afford and spending like the world's going to end because either,

a) the world's going to end so it doesn't matter, ha ha suck it barclaycard, you lose, LOSER LOSER, i'm so clever
b) they are so close to god and wrapped up in faith that they'll be saved in the christian rapture which is now inexplicably working to the calendar of the heathen mayans

come january 2013 there's going to be a lot of people who now have five digit balances outstanding on credit cards and the mother of all hangovers wondering,

a) how could so many people have been wrong about the apocalypse, it was in the papers and everything, someone even made a film, how much validation do you need before you believe
b) why wasn't i saved, has god forsaken me

i know, i can sue someone for telling me that the world was going to end and blame them for my accumulation of debt and subsequent bankruptcy, sue your way to liquidity, but wait, what's this ? someone says the world's going to end in 2017 and again in 2241, i better start preparing.

my fortieth birthday is at the end of 2013 and i plan to make it a good one, with booze and drugs and loud music and my own personal sexy dancer type wife who will be sexier than ever by then and who will be totally sexed up by my good sexy self, the whole affair is going to be so sexy it'll be dripping off the ceiling, i obviously won't look a day over thirtytwo and will have the body of a twentyeight year old steer rustler. I'll be lucky if J can let me out of the bedroom long enough to actually have a party, women hit their sexual peak between thirtyfive and fifty, i'll probably be working 22 hours a day just to keep her sex drive satiated.

i know i'm up for that job, i can't wait