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29.06.2004 - 11:27 a.m.

Can anyone else see the subliminal messages in pingu ? I thought it was just me but now some of the other voices say they can see them too, so now I'm not so sure.

As Bog Borther ascends towards it's glorious conclusion the brains at Endemol are currently trying to think of a format for next year that'll be even more exciting than this years 'evil' version. I can see how it might be difficult to think up new ideas when that solid gold throne you're sitting on is making your ass go numb and the lights are reflecting in your eyes off all the platinum and diamonds you've plated onto the office walls, but in case any of the demi-gods at endemol are reading here's a couple...

Haunted - build the haus on an ancient Indian burial ground out of beams formerly used in gallows, have a carpet of crushed chicken bones, keep an angry medium in a large bell jar in the middle of the house so as to keep provoking the ghosts and spirits into attacking the housemates, instead of evicting them have them fight to stay in the haus as the alternative is to be dropped through a hole in the floor into the depths of hell. Blood and stinking ectoplasm coming through the kitchen and bedroom walls respectively wouldn't be a bad idea either.

South Sea Pirate - instead of a pupose built house in surrey have a small, rusting freighter beached on an atoll in the south china seas, the housemates can go spear-fishing in a shark infested reef on a daily basis and fight off maurading pirates with fifteenth century weapons. I can see the tasks being: avoiding scurvy and sunstroke and learning from observation the prevailing winds and sea currents to allow them to make individual ocean going canoes / rafts and then sail to a rescue port about seventy nautical miles away.

Miniaturisation is the way forward ( as you may have guessed ), it only takes one english boffin to make a new gadget but he does this knowing full well that there is an entire east asian manufacturing industry that will then shrink it to microscopic proportions within a matter of years and churn out millions of them to the global public at a price that's right.

Amongst other things, boffins are making tiny engines that burn or react a variety of substances to make electricity to power laptops and mobile phones, some of these engines are less than a cubic centimetre in size.

With the leaps in technology we're experiencing it's only a matter of time before they make a biological engine that can run on sugar, and once they've done that they can use crystalline structure technology to make an engine out of sugar, powered by sugar, and the obvious application is....

motorised, self stirring sugar cubes for cups of tea.

You drop the sugar cube in a cup of tea and the heat starts up the engine which then propels the cube round and round the cup, dissolving as it goes. The trick will be to make sure it dissolves in a controlled manner so that last bit to go is the shaft and propeller ( which is also made of sugar )

You might think this is a superfluous invention seeing's how we have now domesticated the tea-spoon, but be honest, the fact that a product has no real value to us has never stopped them making it before and then flogging it through those weird little catalogues ( also full of stuff you never thought you needed ) and this one is not only superfluous but also heavily gadgeticised so there's an instant market just waiting for it.

Isn't it funny how, with no prompting at all the brain occasionally throws up something you've not thought about in decades ? and following on from that, does anyone out there remember this little chap ?

And news of a medical nature, the last vanguard of medicine against infection, the all-conquering Vancomycin, has now been overtaken by the MRSA 'super-bug', the main place this bug hangs out is in hospitals, so if you didn't already stay away from them, you have been warned.

Crap Joke time.

What's the purpose of Streptotrappus ?

To catch the Streptomycin !

tee hee heeeeee

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