15.12.2008 - 3:41 p.m.

In the manner of Captain Oates, i was gone a little longer than i first anticipated, but now the elusive paycheck has allowed enough slack cash to again fund my slacking habit, here in this tiny hamlet deep in dingly-cyber-dell.

And soon enough the golden cash will drip through the diaryland server and reinstate the delicious and irreverent images that make me what i is, it'll be like i'm a fully functioning member of an online society and not some techno-phobe hiding in a box shouting at electro-pigeons while counting sticks i've collected that look like famous people through history.

There will be the normal resumption of moaning, whining and general bitching that allows me to unload stuff that's making my back itch, because let's be honest, no-one wants to hear about how i ate a piece of toast, or went to the river for a picnic and it was very nice and we saw some swans and one of the swans went upside down in the river and came up with a load of pond weed in its beak.

I did once see a swan leap out of the river and break a mans arm with nunchucks, but that was traumatising and i only recounted it once to my therapist never to be uttered again, bet you didn't know i had a therapist, how decidedly modern, it's almost like i'm a manhattan socialite or sumpfink.

Alright it wasn't a therapist, it was a hedge (possibly with a small bird in it), but the net effect was the same, i came to terms with the violence and was able to move on with my life.

Luckily i was able to salvage a job from a mess of redundancies and business transfers, in this time of uncertainty i've seen my hours working diminish while wage goes up, to the great and powerful universe i thank thee for this gift of time, now all i need is for every mutherfucker to stop taking the cash off me so i can pretend to have savings.

Meantime we're now kittened up as a family, although they've not as tiny and fluffy as they were, they're still in the mindset of kittenage which means for humour and 'awwww' noises, next spring they'll be allowed out which means we can end the multidaily chore of scooping shit, that will be a grand day indeed.

No doubt once i can remember and organise the thoughts that used to spew from my venom glands i'll start getting it down again, one more angry noise issuing from the internet, how original, i made a pre-list

people
government

I think that just about covers it, most things that annoy me generally fall under those categories, in fact i think i can further refine that list

people

There, nothing like succinctness to sweeten a list, the stem of all my rancour is sourced in other people, the fuckers, why can't they just behave or be more like me

mwahahahahahaahaaaaaaaa

An army of me, go my pretties destroy what you can and bring the spoils to my lair here in this partially extinct volcano.

Anyway, at least Bush has been fucked off, although given the number of secret grenades he's leaving tucked into drawers of the tattered remains of the courts and constitution, it'll take a dedicated team of bomb disposal lawyers about four years to clear out the worst of his excesses, just in time for that vapid sack of jesus-infused idiot cum to be swept to power on a wave of religeous fervour, then we're all completely fucked. The best thing the second coming of christ could achieve is too take all the freaks away with him to whatever they deem to be heaven, leaving the rest of us to finally relax and create some kind of normal society.

Ruled by me from my volcano

Mwahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa

Suckers