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27.02.2005 - 4:39 p.m.

Good morning to you, I'm here once again broadcasting from the dark side of the Far Side, if I squint I can just about make out the tiny shape of Gary Larson who lives closer to the barrier between the (sic) 'real world' and the Far Side, me however is far, far into the interior of the Far Side where even anthropomorphicised cows dare not step, my transmitter is the most powerful ever seen out here in the badlands and i can reach every one of you, so squeeze yourself a fresh glass of lemming juice and put down that radiator, lets spread a liddle lurve, like amorousity butter on the bread of physicality.

Just while I remember, here's my latest and cutest friend who helped me out while I was waiting for the AA man to pull my car out of a ditch.

He ( I assume it was a he, it didn't say much ) was completely unafraid of me or cars or the normal things voles are supposed to be afraid of and allowed me to handle him, without dying or freezing up like tiny mammals tend to do when confronted by giants with opposable thumbs. I put this down to my Dr Doolittle type powers of calming small animals, overall, interactions like this with the fuzzy side of nature really help me keep stuff in perspective, no matter how shit my life and events might be, the glorious simplicity of being a vole ( eat, sleep, fuck, avoid being eaten ) keep at least one of my feet in the actual reality, rather than the wrong reality most people inhabit.

I also managed somehow to avoid Bush�s glorious inauguration wank-pot, and once again we are proved, without a shadow of doubt that the American political system is completely and unashamedly without irony, come on now, sing it with me, I � R � O � N � Y , yeah, you know it too. I liked the way he spoke about,

�spreading American values around the globe�

Yeah, we all know what you mean there too, values like � be our friend so we can exploit you bloodlessly � you know we�re just gonna kick yer sorry ass, regardless of what the public back home think, so just agree to whatever we�ve come here for, alright ? � oil ? what oil, no we�re not here for oil, we�re here for��erm��..global solidarity against the faceless face of evil and the freedom to buy american products, made with pride in the US of A.

I�ve been seeing many examples of lame, half-arsed and just plain wrong advertising lately. ( pictures will follow in due course ) I�m not sure whether this is because I�ve only recently started looking or maybe I wasn�t meant to see until now or ( and I think this is the real reason ) the fact that advertising is now completely dry of original thinking and all the previously rejected ideas are swimming to the fore unhindered.

A single look at television commercials these days should prove to you that companies are handing over money without checking first what it�s being spent on, and that the individuals in marketing are too stupid or embarassed at the results to ask for the money back, thus the wank-advertising reaches us the viewers and we think,

�did anyone really think this would make us part with our hard-earned monet�

Advertising exists to make us believe that the product in question is the answer to our needs and we should go out and buy it NOW, COME ON, BUY IT FOOL, THERE�S NO TIME TO THINK, IN FACT IT�S BETTER IF YOU DON�T, NOW HAND OVER YOUR MONEY.

To this end I will be highlighting examples of wank-advertising where I find them, being unencumbered by social responsibility or the need to protect the originating companies I will be using real names and trademarks in a �name and shame� tabloid stylee, and where I can I�ll put the name of the advertising agency too. There may even be enough information to do some nice graphs or pie-charts too ( mmmmm, pie )

I�m under no illusion that my meager efforts will have any effect on the remorseless tide of bullshit coming our way but it fills my dairy entries and there may even be a laugh in there somewhere ( although I doubt it ) but most of all I get the satisfaction of pointing out the idiots where I find them.

Maybe some you valiant D-Landers will be in a position to screw monet out of them too, as it�s clear come businesses have little idea where their cash is going or how it�s being spent so you might as well benefit from their lack of vision !

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