18.08.2010 - 3:48 p.m.

Poor old michael douglas, just when he thought stuff was going well with long movie careers and foxy wife etc, he gets throat cancer and is consigned to 10 weeks of chemo and radio, from my newly informed position of experience i can predict he's not going to have an easy time over the next 12 months at a minimum. It's bad enough to experience as a healthy young person, but a seventy year old is going to suffer greatly, even from just the radio in isolation he'll suffer, with chemo on top it's a burly sweating tag-team of utter misery.

For the next year / year and half, no amount of money or privilege or swanky west coast living and million dollar doctors will alleviate the inevitable shitstorm, his only friend who can offer any comfort will be morphine and her siblings and even then they'll only do so much, if he's got any living he wants to do he'd better get it over with early matey boy. Now he's going to find out just how much catherine really loves him, granted he'll probably have a full time nurse to do the nursey stuff (like rotating the feeding tube going into his stomach every day), but will catty actually care for his tenuous situation or leave him doped up and hallucinating in the care of nursey and go out for lunch and shopping everyday ? Stuff like this is the acid test for a marriage.

My work colleague sat opposite says i should get the brainscan to test for autism, i don't think i'm autistic, just because i get wound up by stupid selfish arseholes does not an autistic make. Besides i'm shit at maths and remembering stuff, i thought the upside of autism was you got these mad savant skillz. The number of times i've moved from one part of the house to another, only to arrive in the other place and have forgotten the reason for the journey are innumerable.

The inability i have to confidently negotiate social settings is also no indication of autism, it just means i've no social skills and i'm a bit shy. Whether one is the result of the other or vice versa i couldn't say, maybe i don't like small talk, maybe you people within the social setting are not worth talking to, perhaps i'd rather be somewhere else right now. J does all my socialising for me, she knows what to say and how to keep a conversation going, i just hang off her arm and look gorgeous.

Anyway the aforementioned colleague is a stumpy fat wankpot, so insults from him don't amount to a shit up a wall, he should sort out his own sorry abortion of a life before berating me.

And none of his pencils are lined up, in order of hardness and descending by physical length, how fucking irritating.

I got bitten in the armpit on monday by a bastard fly and i've now got a huge red bite mark and redness spreading down the inside of my arm, i don't think it's infected or anything just a big reaction to the flygobshite, doesn't look like a horsefly bite 'cos they're really bad, probably just some normal chancer fly got lucky. It itches like fuck though

gahhhhhhhhhhhhh, it itches

But i'm not scratching it though, never scratch, that's what they want you to do, the few seconds of relief are not worth what follows, the magnitudinal increase in itchiness, just keep slapping on the bite cream and gritting your teeth.

If they weren't critical to life on this planet i'd fuck off all the bitey insects, and spiders; creepy fuckers they are, there's never a bird or cat around when you're confronted by some giant leggy black bastard running up the wall, makes me skin crawl.

Not fussed about non-biting insects, giant stick insect, big beetles, moths, no problem; rats are just big mices, with twitchy whiskers, expressive faces and cute little fingers, bless 'em; and snakes are pretty and curly and warm, it's just spiders. I've a friend who's ok with spiders of every size but can't go near rats, i think i've yet to meet someone who's not got an irrational fear of one of the members of the 'creepy' animals.

Whether this is an innate evolutionary thing or a nurture thing i couldn't say, after all, if you're a caveman with no access to health insurance, a spider or snake bite could potentially kill you so it makes sense to keep your distance, is this even something that can be handed down via DNA ?

I've really no idea, maybe i should ask some experts, where do you go find experts like this ?