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01.12.2006 - 2:34 p.m.

if i killed the pope, like, totally deliberately, would islamic extremists give me sanctuary ?

if, while hiding out with the islamic extremists i then killed osama, would the US give me sanctuary ?

i've not yet worked out if it's possible to kill the pope accidentally, but if i worked it out, would it no longer be accidental because of the thoughts beforehand ? maybe i could be running with scissors and he could come round a corner, his head bowed in thought and we meet and i stab him, or my private plane might crash into the vatican beauty spa, or he could be shagging a choirboy who's been compulsively drinking some kind of liquid explosive which was carelessly left lying around.

either way, he's gonna die

saying that, he's about eighty anyway making him the youngest ever pope, so he's only twenty years away from the biggest disappointment of his life (death) when he finds out there is no god and he's been making it up all along, theocracy is never a good starting place for world domination. A space-station with a large breeding stock is a better start for world domination but only if you can get away with it (which of course you can't) as every bond baddie finds out in the end.

luckily i'll never be in a position for world domination, unless i start hanging around with some scary mutha's, which i don't, so the rest of you can breath a sigh of relief. I might yet get hold of alien technology, which (provided it doesn't liquidate me horribly) might be used to coerce the population into crowning me king of the world. Coerce is better than threaten, plenty of people threaten other people, but the threatener usually ends up hiding from the threatenee when all the threatenee's friends turn up with flaming torches, strategic weapons and big angry faces.

meanwhile, i have been :

- working daily
- feeding rabbits
- spending too much in tescos
- sleeping
- assembling flat-packed furniture
- abusing the company internet policy (again)
- reading blogs
- trying to fix minor homeowner headaches

i may even have broadband this weekend, i'm a bit scared to plug the box in, in case it's not connected yet, in which case i'm going to have to start shouting at my provider, who'll blame BT and say there's nothing they can do, but you better make next months payment or you'll be cut off and then there's a four month re-connection period for non-payers just to make you feel bad.

we (me and friends and friends of friends) went clubbing to an infected mushroom event in londres last weekend which was a bit rubbish for the following reasons :

- cloakroom was too small for 2200 people and there was a two hour queue (arse) so i ended up with my coat wrapped round my waist all night which wasn't ideal
- the infected mushroom boys kept playing 'go nowhere trance' which is frustrating and unsatisfying
- i think my powder is past its use by date
- powder on it's own never seems to give me the energy i think i ought to have
- the pills on sale there were plentiful but ultimately rubbish (i was told)

The venue used to host recordings of the Goon show, and not once did the ghost of spike milligan appear before me, you'd think he'd use the opportunity to weird out a whole room full of people, selfish dead bastard.

In the morning after we visited a friend of a friends flat in docklands for coffee and chilling, she has a nice place next to the thames flood barrier, which was a bit surreal (that was also the first time i've ever seen the Dome in real life). We stayed there until lunchtime drinking vodka and then took a couple of beers for the journey home. This was the first time i've tried post club drinking and it was refreshingly satisfying, i also enjoyed the 'drinking on the train experience', one can lasted from docklands until Bank and then the second one from euston until home, there's something self-assuring about openly drinking beer while on a mass transit system, coupled with the fact that i was all in black with sunglasses on (even on the underground) meant i felt uber-confident despite my fragile condition. I guess that anyone coming within a metre of me would have their stomach turned by the post club aromatic aura that protects me from harm in these situations, but i couldn't smell it so it's not my problem.

The only prescription for a crappy psy event is the hard house academy, psy is now off the party list for a while while we re-evaluate.

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