05.10.2007 - 3:46 p.m.

not exactly an in-depth assessment, but have i ever supplied in-depth journalism of any variety ? i think not otherwise i'd be an undercover investigative journalist. There's also a suspisciously large number of abc lists in this bunch of words, i regret nothing you swine.

i can understand why georgy porgy bush is a bit pissed off, he's taking flak left n right about the stagnant mess that is the middle east and it's current concentration of US bodybags, no-one at home understands or trusts him and he's pretty much guaranteed to lose the next election unless he rigs it again. While he's surely happy that right wing conservatives are on the up and up, even though they're being sniped at from all quarters, they continue to be slipped into positions of authority where he can be sure they'll support him and carry out guerilla operations against democrats when he loses the next fair election.

His problem with the military is that they are a) accountable and b) also have rules of engagement, these two aspects are a real pain in the arse for someone who wants a job done with the minimum of fuss and no back-lash and to hell with the indigenous people because they're not a) christian or b) supportive of him, this makes them a) an obstacle and b) expendable.

Georgy has an obligation to the proles in his god-loving empire but also to make as many of his friends as wealthy as possible during his term of office. Being a lone-star loving, oil drinking, beef rib noshing texan, his understanding of wealth is closely tied up with oil, i.e. if you have lots of oil then you will have lots of money. It's generally accepted now that the latest invasion of iraq is based on the fact that a) america sucks down oil like the hungry Ho' she is, b) iraq has lots of oil, c) iraq persisted in selling it's oil in euros which is not good for the US economy, d) there happened to be a scapegoat in charge of iraq at the time of the invasion, hurrah, we can now invade iraq to secure lovely oil supplies and blame it on the scapegoat.

Ah, you say, but now the military is under pressure to get out of iraq but you still need to keep that oil a flowin', what do you do ? the obvious answers are

a) kill all the people who don't like you and fill the country with people who do like you (in this case christians, as espoused by blonde sociopath and lightning rod Ann Coulter and right-wing policy thinktank wingnuts Centre for Security Policy)
b) replace the military with mercenaries who will treat the place like a big turkey shoot and are accountable to no-one
c) through the use of extreme prayer have the lord smite those who would oppose you, be they big-mouth liberals or goat herding, weapon stashing peasants

options a) and c) are out because they're either too extreme (for the liberal pussies) or not guaranteed to work on an electoral timeframe, so that leaves the option of installing a private militia who are loyal to the president, christian, well paid so unlikely to bug-out when it gets hairy and not accountable because they're a private company, if only you could then find a way of giving them government security contracts without them having to bid for them then your prayers would be answered, the good ol' lord helps them who help themselves etc.

So you've got an excuse to run rampant over the middle east (9/11), why not suggest to a loyal and wealthy christian that he massively expand his private security company (mercenary militia) who can then be given tax payers money in shady agreements and ginormous federal contracts to gradually replace the military in iraq, and then fill the board of the company with ex members of your cabinet and former government security bods so it's effectively a private army but run by all your mates from the dept of defense and CIA, so

Private Army Company - check
All loyal christians - check
No Accountability - check
All your Mates in the Top Paid Postions - check
Use of Taxpayers Money to Pay for Training - check
Involvement in Suspicious Incidents 'in country' - check
Humourous Name for Company - check

The name of the company is Blackwater (if you didn't already know), i'm assuming this is a euphemism for oil, because god knows idiots like to think they're brighter than the rest of us and this just screams out "JOKE NAME" to me, and it's currently the biggest private army in the USA and when you allow for the technological edge, they're probably the biggest and best private army in the world and they answer only to God and the President, although they don't really answer to the president because they're a private company and not federal at all, and they certainly don't take politically motivated actions which may or may not benefit the president of the USA, not at all.

And just to add a giant, well-funded cherry on top they certainly do not have a sister company called Presidential Airways which they use to ferry their private army around the world, and it it no way answers to the actual president, well not directly anyway, and anyway, this air company would never treat their work 'in country' as a big joke, the pilot involved obviously thought he was Luke Skywalker, but being a twat and clearly unaided by the force he should have left his targetting computer on rather than spank the plane into a canyon wall.

I did hear, years ago from an ex army guy, about a helicopter pilot in northern ireland in the eighties who was christened 'luke skywalker' by the chaps he ferried because of his alarming methods of getting a large and ungainly helicopter in and out of hot zones in very short order, he though, was properly trained and not american and therefore unlikely to fly into a mountain while congratulating himself on his flying skills.

i especially like the quote from the god-loving owner of Blackwater during a hearing into why they behave like a bunch of drunken cowboys, that there "was not a single incident in which a Blackwater contractor intentionally killed a civilian" Well no-one sets out to murder civilians unless you're a) genocidal or b) reacting to genocide with equal gusto, but obviously when you're hosing bullets in the general direction of a perceived threat there will be ricochets and collateral damage, some of which might be civilian, and when it comes out that one in seven of your employees has been effectively sacked for improper conduct.....

further tragedy based, legally grey, presidentially authorised (but responsibility deniable) humour can be found here and here