26.08.2003 - 10:13 a.m.

I don't gamble, I'm not a gambling man, actually that's not true, I will gamble if I already know the outcome or if I'm the one being gambled on and I already know I can achieve the desired outcome, but as most of you will agree that's not really gambling, more like taking money from strangers ( which I also do with a clear conscience )

The reason why I don't gamble is that - the universe plays games with me.

Confused ? alright, if there's any gambling people out there give me odds on this :

I don't have many close friends, there's a few left over from school and a couple since, but they are and forever will be my real friends, they also live far away from me requiring car journeys of at least an hour in different directions to reach them.

On sunday, myself, J and her boy decide to go be tourists in London for the day and do touristy things, I usually park in Knightsbridge, not because I'm a social climber but because there's always free spaces on a sunday. So we're driving Ben Hur like round Marble Arch and as I'm coming up to Hyde Park corner my friend and his wife cross the road in front of me, not a few cars ahead but right in front, not realising what car I'm in I start punching the airbag expecting there to be a horn there and by the time I find the horn we're long past them, I hurl my mobiley phoney at J and she calls them all excited like ( 'cos we're sad like that ) and it turns out they are staying in london and off for breakfast.

So he lives near coventry, I live near London(ish) what are the odds of us being in the same place on the same day at the same time ? Answers on a postcard please.

Rant time again

While being tourists we went to the London Dungeons ~ooooooo, ghostly~ except it's now become the London Dungeons Experience, d'oh.

Apparantly, when they first opened it was just the dungeons themselves, unadulterated and showing the original layout plus ghastly mannequins with their plastic guts hanging out, I was looking forward to this, seeing some real history in place oh if only those walls could talk ( scream ? ) I'm fairly sure where we entered was the old Newgate dungeons but at some point the original dungeons turned/expanded into some railway arches where they had the "Plague experience" and the "Great fire experience" and an unfeasibly large amount of the "Jack the Ripper experience" with a small "Its a Small World" boat ride with extra scariness to boot ( although it was being temperamental and a man with a walkie talkie had to push our boat around for a bit until the automatic sensors started working again )

At this point it started to get a bit naff, I'm well aware that in order to keep the tourist dollars flowing these places have to be "value added" and what they've done is atmospheric enough but there's no distinction between the old and the new. I checked through the bookshelves in the obligatory post experience shop and there was nothing there detailing the actual history, just books about Jack the Ripper, so from a trip to the London Dungeons I've not learnt much about the London Dungeons and have learnt alot about Jack the Ripper.

I'd like to see the experience subdivided into two, one which allows you to wander around the unadulterated old dungeons ( although you need the mannequins and skeletons for effect ) and soak up the atmosphere in an adult "I can understand, imagine and empathise with what happened here and it's chilling me to the bone" kinda way and then the "extra bits for tourists / children / should you want to see it" experience.

I may yet create my own "Chamber of Modern Horrors" including but not limited to :

The "alarm going off at the crack of dawn five days a week, 48 weeks a year terror"

The "I've no milk for breakfast and the shop's too far away, well that's not the morning i'd planned for myself, what a crap day this's turning to be" ( as shown to effect in the "Crunchy Nut Cornflake" advert )

The "It's only two days since payday and I've spent all my money and the car tax is due and the cat looks like it needs expensive vetinary attention"

If you have any further funny Modern Horrors, please send them to the guestbook, if I get enough I'll do another entry showcasing the best.

Laters