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22.08.2003 - 1:15 p.m.

I'm here ! hurray, not dead yet.

I've been away for a while, ( not jail you fool ) away from d-land, but only 'cos i've nothing funny or worthwhile to say, the trance entry was the last piece of coherance I had in my body, the only reason I'm here now is because I've been in the pub at lunch time and am now under the iron grip of Arch-Duke Alkohol and his band of marauding long-chain polymers.

It's just one of those things, I've had a pint & a half and the backs of my eyes are heavy which is a clear indication that i'm not going to do any work between now and 5pm. I am well known amongst my friends as a weak, pussy like drinker of beer, generally two pints leaves me uninhibited with a weak posture and tendancy to make light of any situation passing under my nose, I'm not bothered unduly by this as it means I can be pissed up within 3 pints ( cheap ) although this means my drinking evenings are much shorter than those who are practised in this area ( about 2 hours ) and then I fall asleep ( regardless of where I am ).

I can however drink vodka/redbull all night and have done, generally I get 4 shots per can of bull but try not to drink more than 3 or 4 cans so I can sleep that night, but after a certain point I can drink vodka neat ( my body retains memories of past drunkeness/barfing which is why i can't face whiskey any more, I od'd on vodka at about 17yrs old and can't face it until the path has been cleared by mixers, admittedly I did the same with gin but G&T in the summer is a must so I got back on that wagon )

Alcohol is the worst way of distancing yourself from reality though, the lack of control of various body parts and general cost leaves me cold and uncomfortable as I stagger through the night and the inevitable spinning room and subsequent barfing is not on. ( what follows now looks suspiciously like a rant but I'm trying not to )

Before I was introduced to Mr Pill and his happy chums the Luvdup family I'd only moved in ( other than reefers ) psilocybin / lysergic territory for my kicks, and even in that country I was head and shoulders above my comrades, I would be the one person together enough to carry out required actions ( making food / reefers etc ) while everyone else stared at the tv / walls / interesting stuff.

Now introduced to clubbing proper I can see what all the fuss is about, for a reliable, measured and safe night out it IS the way forward, the odd handfuls of people who get it wrong and end up on the front page of the Mail deserve what they get, Pills are not the Holy Grail, if you abuse them or treat them without respect they will fuck you up proper, but with respect you will have a lifetime of happy memories more so than booze and fags which WILL kill your liver / lungs just through exposure and cannot compare on any level. I agree that the long term effect of Pills have not been documented and I'm available for lab testing if needed but on the evidence available to me I'm in the right place right now.

And after about 10 years of getting spaced I have to say I'm doing alright, I'm successful at work, kind to fluffy creatures, happy in relationships, kind to my gran and growing old disgracefully, my memory has been shagged by dope but it's no worse than anyone else I know and I'm not in the grip of any nasty repeating habits ( I don't even smoke when with J, this is mostly for her but I find it useful to limit my consumption, I will smoke when alone and bored though 'cos it passes the time )

That's about it, I'm bored now.

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