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bow chika wa wa - 26.10.2010
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24.07.2003 - 1:13 p.m.

I'm still here, and haven't been completely sucked into the parallel universe ( yet ) where moving gloopy alkali sludge around the country is all that you get out of bed for each morning ( or maybe I have, it sounds so familiar )

My fears about the level of work may have been unfounded or more likely the stuff she did before she left is still going through and the real work for me starts with the next round of production schedules next week ( eeek ) either way I'm sat here with not so much to do.

On the news last night they showed us a polar bear in an argentinian zoo, that due to treatment for dermatitis had gone a beautiful indigo colour, now I think that is a great colour for a 700 pound carnivore, it makes them less real/dangerous and more fluffy, all I need now is some lunatic to try and get in the pen with her, I have little sympathy for people who get into animal enclosures and try to hug tigers and so on, even if they are suffering from mental illness, I want to hug a tiger / purple bear just as much as you but reality, which is the usual party-pooper has given me enough notice not to do so. Darwin had a point my friend and you're about to prove it, at least it's reducing the overcrowding in the state health system, and there may even be a condo on the market cheap soon after.

J once said she had "less sympathy than a mouse's whisker" I thought that was hilarious and found this graph to prove it. I have to agree with her, if you've not the sense or ability to pull yourself together / out of the hole you've dug for yourself / away from a life of crime and having your arse widened in jail, you've only yourself to blame so don't sit in the shopping centre in your manky doss-bag looking dejected because I didn't throw any money at you, if you want me to give you money let me file the edges sharp first and then I'll throw it hard enough to stick in your head you fucknut ( my new favourite word ) There's so much work ( admittedly most of it involves brain-dead warehouse work ) within a 10 mile radius of where I live that there's no excuse, if you've a mental problem or addicted to crack then sort it out with one of the thousand or so do-gooder organisations set up specifically to help YOU, or go to jail, I don't care either way.

Thought I'd mention this for the yanks out there, it's not relevant in any way but it could raise a larf, last year I took a cutting from a willow tree to plant in my garden to help out with poor drainage and to provide material for a retaining wall on a bed for splat trees ( espallier I think is the real word ) This tree grows about 3.5 metres a year straight up ( *update time* actually, so far this year due I suppose to the hot, wet spring the tree is knocking on 5 metres and will probably hit 7 by this winter ), and every year it has 12 times as many shoots as the year before, every winter I coppice it down and the whole cycle starts again, this particular brand of willow is called 'crack' willow due to the noise it makes when snapped ( not 'cos it's dissolved in alcohol ) or sometimes 'pussy' willow due to the fluffy catkins it generates in the spring, this led my mind ( obviously ) to a time when a floridian friend of J came to visit, he had brought his new wife who was a bit nervous, J's father had been fussing with the cat and unaware the new wife was about to walk in the room, his comment to the cat was along the lines of "you're a lovely pussy aren't you" as she walked into the room, new wife didn't know what to do with herself, friend was momentarily mortified before his UK training took over and he saw the cat, everyone else laughed. We still use the word "pussy" gratuitously at the dinner table when they're over even though the cat died long ago.

Lightsaber turned up, as far as toys go it's one of the better ones I have, it lights up and goes "whum" and then goes "whhummm" when you move it, friends and I have spent time in the garden at dusk fighting invisible droideka's. The only problems are : it's not loud enough, and the "whum" although proudly digitised from the film has little variation given the movement of the saber, if there's any bored software / electronics engineers out there I have many ideas about rearranging the internal sensors and how the noise is processed, reach me in the usual ways.

A handy tip - when buying stuff overseas *always* pay for registered delivery, stop moaning it's too expensive. This stops the inevitable "so where the fuck is it, it was posted 5 weeks ago" scenario which I would be happy to alleviate with extra money, I'm sure that the USPS are the finest, most honest body of men since time began ( according to kevin costner anyway ) but over here, anything that ever worked has been privatised into a shambolic mess, so Parcelforce, you bastards, where is it ? somewhere between London and New Mexico is a stormtrooper helmet with my name on it ( on the box you fool ) and it's late arrival is starting to piss me off.

I've just noticed that I'm slowly pandering more towards the US readership with my descriptive terms, this isn't me becoming a closet republican / gun owning lunatic I'm just making sure you don't get confused with our funny european wordage, a piece about the differentiation between UK and US from some clever person said that US english was closer to the original 'old' english carried over on the Mayflower and had escaped the fashionable modernising of UK english in the 19th century when english was 'frenchified', aluminum is correct, aluminium is frenchy, damn, we've been fighting the french pretty much for the last 1000 years and in one moment of weakness we take on aspects of their language just to keep up with whatever was the dominant genetic material of our royal family at the time ( or more likely because the english intelligentsia of the time were getting rogered by their french boyfriends and liked it ). And now Jaques has come over all snotty and started to reject english words like 'e-mail' and 'jumbo jet' because they're not french enough, france - nice food - pretty (but hairy) women - nice countryside - rubbish air-of-superiority, nose in the air bunch of tossers - berets, crap moustaches and poetry do not make you better than us.

Having a rail system that works and a sensible cafe society makes you better than us, not by much but it's all you've got.

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