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close up - 17.11.2010
i'm not a lumberjack, but i am ok - 05.11.2010
tittewagen - 04.11.2010
bow chika wa wa - 26.10.2010
pointless quaver moaning - 13.10.2010

18.07.2003 - 1:07 p.m.

In days gone by, it was the norm to slash open a baby animal and pour it's insides over a large rock in the hope that the God(s) who you thought were just over the next mountain / hovering over the cloud tops would see you and decide that that was just what they'd been missing all this time, and yeah man, you can have good weather and fat crops this year. I say 'days gone by' but it still goes on somewhere on this planet and probably for the same reasons, not having any kind of consideration for organised religions I'm not really bothered by one more act of cruelty amongst a whole shitload of cruel acts carried out by humans every day since the dawn of time but I wouldn't be happy if I was the one who had to do it, fluffy animals are there to be stroked, cooed over and laughed at if they're being funny ( kittens mostly ) but not sliced open on the offchance a god might be looking.

This meandering is coming to a point, no really, and the point is : my God doesn't ask for goat entrails but still he keeps the rain off my head better than a hat with a wide brim.

I've made mention to this in the past, but for those of you who can't be bothered to go through the dead entries here it is again : British weather between april and october for the most part can be described as 'sunshine and showers', ( all the rest of the year is showers and sunshine if you're lucky ) this is an easy get out for the TV weather presenters / Met office so they can still look knowledgable but not commit themselves to anything that might rise up and bite them ( as it did Mr Fish that dark October night ) and it usually is just that, prevailing winds carrying squally rain showers. What I have found is that except for 4 occasions this year ( 2003 if you're lost in time ) the weather has parted to allow me to cycle to work and back without getting wet, ha, you say, that's just coincidence, stop wasting our time.

It's not though. It's sooo not. I cycle to work every day because a)I live only 2 miles away b)I'm too tight to keep filling the car up with petrol c) I'm too tight to keep filling the motorbike with petrol d) I'm too lazy to walk e) I don't have any friends who'd come pick me up and drive me to work f) It's practically the only exercise I get. As long as it's not raining the ride's ok, when it is raining it's fukkin miserable and arriving at work soaked is a pain in the arse ( arriving home soaked at the other end of the day is ok though, 'cos at least I'm at home ) To this end ( and to protect my wallet from excess UV exposure ) I cycle whenever possible. So far this year I have driven to work about 4 times because the rain had been falling for days non-stop and so hard it'd strip my skin off, on every other occasion the rain, which has been falling quite happily all night eases off for about a half hour at roughly the time I need to be outside, and once at work, it starts falling again.

The rain will then fall for the whole day non-stop, eliciting all the dumb-arse, mundane statements that my cow-orkers always come out with, every time, without fail, and at about four thirty the clouds part and it stops. From my lofty second floor position near the window I can see the next rain band on the horizon bearing down, but there's always enough time to get home without getting wet, on wednesday it waited a whole seven minutes after I got home before starting up again and then going on all night.

I know this is extra-normal because I have pointed it out to my cow-orkers every time this year and so committed it to memory, they laugh but I know they're secretly jealous. This also manifests itself on my drug'n'vinyl days, so far this year, without fail, every time I've had friends over the sky has been bright blue and the sun shines, I don't plan this because I normally only get a few days notice that everyone can come and I've no time to check with the Met office if the weather will be clear, I just accept that it will be, and it is.

I'm pretty sure that there is some kind of background process to this universe we inhabit that we're not even close to being aware of, the kind of comic timing that can only mean something is watching the human race and laughing, see This as an example, ( and have a laugh, I found this diary a few days ago, and he's one funny guy ) it also explains why we can't describe in any real detail the fundamental processes that govern this universe - because it's so baffling we don't know where to start, sure you can measure every possible aspect of a black hole, but you can't tell me for shit where a million metric tonnes of matter per second goes to, even using the hypothetical maths toy which is the reserve of people who can't comprehend weirdness and the need the comfortingly defined black and white of higher maths as opposed to to a million shades of grey to explain everything. ( News flash ........ our maths is so fundamentally flawed against the true strange nature of the universe we'll never be able to explain fuck all with it )

I know I was saving this for another day but here it is anyway - Religion - da da daaaaaaa - I was almost brought up as a christian by my mother, I say almost because my father who is of the engineering persuasion, has no truck with religion, why, I reasoned can he stay at home on a sunday morning reading the paper when I have to sit in a sunday school lesson in the damp cellar of the church hearing about how some bloke died for our sins ? Sins ! I'm eight years old, how can I have accumulated sins in that short time, and so after a series of screaming tantrums, mum gave up and got to play at home in peace.

Now I'm older I have to try and explain why trees fall on people and why it doesn't rain on me, I can't invoke one of the established Gods for obvious reasons, and since I had a leaning towards the romantic poetry of Wordsworth ( small 'r', not like 'Romantic'- chocolates and Hallmark etc. ) and am always happier when outside not being rained on etc I have created my own religion just for me.

This basically involves understanding that I am a product of this planet, I was created from material on this rock and when I die I'll go back to being an integral part of nature, to be included in another generation further down the line, everything here that doesn't float into space gets recycled endlessly. This and being happy when outdoors and accepting random natural acts of nature for what they are and not worrying about my eternal soul, I'm sure its capable of looking after itself. There's no point bleating about how shit goes down because that's what shit does and whatever god you bow before isn't going to help you, you have to help yourself. Saying that I do believe in karma, only because every time I have gained unfairly, that gain has been negated comprehensively later on, I now do not seek to gain unfairly and my life is in balance and calm.

It may be that that's all it takes to have dry hair throughout the year, it might not and I'm heading for the mother of all pitfalls, but given past performance I don't think so.

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