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15.07.2003 - 12:03 p.m.

This is the best ( I think ) of the oldies, it also helps if you know who Murray Walker is and, to a lesser extent Snetterton race-track ( and have a vivid imagination ).

This also proves that I'm probably the sibling sailing the closest to wind, mentally speaking that is, anyway.........

B - "Hi there, my name's Bob Golding and you join us here at the fifteenth annual full contact pro-sport granny racing event here at sunny Snetterton race track, the competitors have completed the qualifying pre-race checks and are currently on their first of three warm up laps before the characteristic rolling start always associated with granny racing, here with me today is the only man who can properly commentate in this field of sport, it's Harry Freng, Harry what do you think about todays line up ?"

H - "Hi Bob, well I�m very excited in all truth, today we have the much awaited return of Hilda Banley and her driver, little Jamie Footwell, they've done very well in the past but Hilda missed last season due to a hip upgrade last spring, so now she should be fighting fit and ready to start winning some races."

B - "That's fantastic Harry, we all missed Hilda, I know I did. Last year in her absence the consistant winner was Maureen O'Donnell and her driver Lucy O'Donnell who is her grand daughter would you believe.."

H - "I'd believe it and they proved to be a winning combination, the lap times they set at Silverstone have still to be beat in this class. Now the other hot favourite today is Francis Wilson and the famously tiny Charlie Drake, they've been touring the US circuits last year and showing that British grannies are a hard bunch to beat, they toppled the US champions Loretta Grayson and Brad Faulkner in the last race of the season and claimed the cup for good old Blighty.."

B - "A force to be reckoned with.."

H - "Indeed Bob, now as they come up the straight to start their final warm up lap and then on to the first corner, we can see that in pole position is Maureen O'Donnell, second is Francis Wilson, third Hilda Banley, fourth Rosemary Spragg, fifth is Lucy Nomlette, sixth is the ever popular Hilary Robinson..."

B - "She's been in more races than I can remember and due to retire next year.."

H - "That is true Bob, seventh is Joanna Woodley, another veteran who has been in this class for four years now and planning to move up to the formula first next year; eighth is Janet Hadstock and ninth is Karenna Josczlek. There were two pre-race retirements, Alison Bailley went out with a popped knee and Joycelyn Wentworth has just lost the plot completely, she thinks she's a barmaid in Vichy France circa 1941 and has been taken away for observation and a nice cup of tea."

B - "That's a bad way to come out of a race but not unexpected at her time of life. I can just see the grid leader coming round the Russel bend back onto the straight and the drivers are revving those grannies hard, the strain is showing as they hold the clutch in, they're coming up to the line the lights are red, the lights are red, the lights are greeeen and they're off, Maureen has pulled away in a cloud of burnt rubber followed closely by Francis and then Hilda, there's a fight going on between Joanna and Hilary for sixth position and Lucy is tucked in fifth behind Rosemary, Janet had a poor start and now trails behind Karenna..."

H - "As they turn into Riches corner Maureen is starting to pull away from the pack, the mid season work they've been doing is obviously coming up trumps now.."

B - "And there's a fight between Francis and Hilda, Hilda tried to come up the inside of Francis who quite definitely shut the door on her, and out of Sear onto the straight, Maureen is flying now, ever increasing the gap and Hilda has closed in behind Francis.."

H - "Hilda we can see has by far the higher top speed over Francis which may count on this fast fast track, but Francis can accelerate like an electric bunny which will count over the tricky Esses and Russel Bend, we will see how this develops over the next twenty laps..."

B - "And there's a development already Harry, there was some argy bargy between Lucy and Rosemary going into the Esses and Lucy has lost part of her forward spoiler in the fray, that's going to affect her performance for sure.."

H - "You can be sure of that Bob, the question now is will they bring her in for a pit stop to replace the nose cone or will she just keep the power up through the corners and hope to stay on the track, who knows ? I know I don't.."

B - "You surely do not Harry, you surely do not. I have to bring your attention back to Janet, after her appalling start which left her at the back of the pack she's now on the heels of Karenna and testing her mightily..."

H - "Indeed Bob, in fact she's just passed Karenna up the inside of Coram Corner, Karenna seems to have lifted off the power too early and drifted wide allowing Janet up the inside, this is indeed first class granny action!"

B - "You don't get finer than this Harry, now back to Maureen as she clears Russel Bend and she lays on the power down Senna straight to the grid and that's a fantastic sight there's Maureen, followed by Francis with Hilda slipstreaming her, and it looks like Hilda's going to make a break for it....yes...yes she has, she pulled out and sailed up the outside, what a demonstration of quality granny locomotion, and she's cut in front of Francis into Riches and taken second position."

H - "I must bring your attention back to Hilary and Joanna, they've been a close quarters the whole race so far and it looks like neither is willing to give any ground, they're both evenly matched on the technology stakes so it's down to who is the better driver, classic racing indeed."

B - "It looks like Joanna's going to push through, she's testing and probing and as they hare through the Esses and towards Bomb Hole, it looks like she's going for it...yes, there she goes and OH MY GOD, they crashed, Joanna was the inside of Hilary going into Coram Corner and drifted out, forcing Hilary to go wide, she caught the gravel, span round and caught Joanna a glancing blow which did something to her front suspension and sent her cartwheeling into the tyre wall, Hilary is knee deep in gravel but at least she's the right way up, poor old Joanna, that must have hurt some."

H - "Yes indeed Bob, Granny racing at this level is fraught with all sorts of danger, and now we're going into a break, we'll see you soon.."

H - "Welcome back, you join us in lap 17 of 20, there's been a couple of moments but for the most part it's been high quality competitive granny racing, the positions as they stand are: first Maureen, second Hilda, third Francis, fourth Rosemary, fifth Lucy, sixth Janet and bringing up the rear Karenna. Hilary and Joanna spun out earlier."

B - "Lucy's done well, so far, they opted not to replace the broken spoiler and she's been laying down laps at very high speeds and she may well stay in front of Janet before the end of the race but we'll have to see. Karenna's had a good race too, she's relatively new to this level and has been making respectable times, we may yet see her on the podium this year.."

H - "We may indeed Bob, we may indeed, but now we're back with the race leaders, Maureen flies up the Revel straight with Hilda hot on her heels, Hilda has been lapping four tenths of a second faster than Maureen and she may yet catch her, valiant Francis is putting in a good show but she can't keep up with Hilda on the staights, she might yet make it up if Hilda makes a mistake we'll have to see.."

B - "Rosemary has increased the lead over Lucy who is showing the strain, grannies at this level rely heavily on aerodynamics and that damaged spoiler has cost her dearly, and just to prove it here comes Janet and Karenna passing her with little trouble, this close to the end it looks like the race has been set.."

H - "Before you finish that sentence Bob, lets have a look at Rosemary, there seems to be some kind of smoke, I can't really tell from here.."

B - "It does indeed look like smoke Harry, she may be developing engine trouble and that could cost her dearly, as they come round Russel Bend...yes....yes, she's turned into the pit lane her race is over, oh what a sha..OH NO, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, she pulls into the pit lane, the flames are getting higher all the time and then she exploded, lets hope they can get young Jonny Withnall off her before it's too late.."

H - "That is a tragic end to a race, they both deserved better, the fire marshalls have put out the fire but there'll be some rebuilding in the Spragg garage tonight."

B - "Back to the race then, final lap, Mureen still leads, Hilda second, Francis third, Janet fourth, Karenna fifth and Lucy rolling in last."

H - "It's been all you could ask of a race but now I think it has been decided, Maureen has a comfortable lead, Francis just couldn't keep up with Hilda, Janet is too experienced to let Karenna past and Lucy can't keep up, here they come, round Coram Corner and into Russel Bend and on goes the power as they exit Russel and down the straight and it's all over, another gold for Maureen, the O'Donnell team are going wild, that puts them eight points clear on the drivers championship."

B - "Well we've had a great time here this afternoon, coming up are Bill Snapshutt and Jim Wilkonsin with the highlights of the race, we'll see you next week for the formula two Zimmerframe classic at Donington, good afternoon everyone."

H - "And good afternoon from me."

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