10.07.2003 - 2:09 p.m.

Another Oldie from long ago........

Lights come up on a front room in a Bradford terrace, obviously last decorated twenty years ago, with a thin layer of tobacco smoke over the walls and ceiling, sat on the dilapidated sofa is an overweight man with thinning hair and scruffy clothes, opposite him in the armchair is a thin, grey looking woman in a housecoat, they are both looking at an old television.

man - "Things ain't been the same since they closed the Mill, and then they closed the Pit and now the Working Mans Club is going to be bulldozed to make way for a supermarket, these are bad times you know Harriet"

Harriet - "Well, you know who's to blame don't you, it's those tories, all they're interested in is money and business, they don't care about the common people, where are you going to get drunk now, I mean, it's a disgrace"

man - "I mean, we thought things were bad when the Colliery Brass Band was disbanded, morale was at rock bottom, the young'ens were leaving the city looking for work in the south and we were left behind, all we've got left is our memories of better times"

Harriet - "And I'll tell you who else is to blame, it's those immigrants, coming over here and then bringing over all their families, it cheapens the area, people�s houses aren't worth anything any more so they move away and then more immigrants buy their houses, its a vicious circle I tell you. Mrs. Dawson down the road says her sons friend was there at those riots and he says they were animals with their burning cars and the like, I tell you I don't like it one bit"

man - "Aye lass, but that Mr. Patel down in that shop down the road was always pleasant enough, didn't seem like the sort to be causing trouble, funny really, his kids go to the comprehensive in the vale, I see 'em going to school in the mornings, who would have thought it would come to this"

Harriet - "Well, Mrs. Coburn at no. 12 says where her daughter lives in Leeds there isn't a white face for miles around, I don't know why they stay there I really don't. Bernard ? Bernard are you alright ? Bernard look at me ! BERNARD"

Bernard - "Sorry love, I've just had an idea how we can get out of this situation, an epiphany if you like�

Harriet - "An epifa-what, what do you mean?"

Bernard - "An epiphany Harriet, it shone to me like the sun after the rain, I've seen a way out for us to be respected again�

Harriet - "Oh please tell me Bernard, I want so much to know what you've seen."

Bernard - "Stay with me on this one Harriet, it might mean some changes to our life but I'm sure that this is the way forward for us, yes, we'll soon be living on easy street"

Harriet - "Oh you must tell me, please tell me"

Bernard - "Well Harriet, I'm going to become a bad-ass, gun-toting gangsta and you will be my bitch. I'll write hard hitting raps and crucial rhymes during the day and spin up a storm in clubs at night. I�ll get you addicted to crack so I can control you and get some more bitches in and I'll whore you all off to the local bruvva�s to keep me in gold jewellery and Mercedes cars"

Harriet - "Oh Bernard, will I like being a crack-whore, with all those criminals touching me like that, and all those other women, sorry, bitches; what if we don't get on with each other?"

Bernard - "You'll get on with them 'cos I'll say so you bitch, you'll do as I say or you'll feel my anger. Now get out your Littlewoods catalogue and get some skimpy clothing, I'll not have one of my whores dressed like you do, it's mini skirts and bra-tops for you from now on."

Harriet - "I hope I don't get cold, those clothes look so insubstantial."

Bernard - "well, you'll not be leaving the house again so don't you worry about that"

Harriet - "And what about the neighbours, what will they think of your new look?"

Bernard - "well once the house prices have bottomed out in this street because of my influence, I'll buy all the houses on this side of the street and knock them all into one house and I'll fill them all with crack-whores and you can be the madam, think of the power you'll have over those impressionable young girls Harriet, and then once I've raised enough dirty dirty money I'll make some big deals with the Yardie gangs in London to distribute Heroin throughout the north and then I'll be Mr. Big, what do you think of that then ?"

Harriet - "Do you think we ought to get some new wallpaper then if all these people will be visiting our house, and maybe a new cooker?"

Bernard - "Harriet my dear, pretty soon you won't even notice."

Lights fade to black on the scene and curtain closes.